Pami, You asked how to develop the proper mindset. How to get from A to B where A is terrified of guns, and B is ready to act without hesitation.
I found this book... 
Quote:
Effective Defense begins with a discussion of the will to survive. Gila Hayes also spends time on the theme that "Victory is a Fight Avoided." She stresses the importance of recognizing and assessing threats and finding appropriate responses. As undramatic as it may seem, an appropriate response can be as simple as walking away. Another chapter deals with unarmed defense or self-defense with tools, such as pepper spray or the kubuton. The bulk of Effective Defense, however, deals with firearms, primarily handguns, but with strong chapters on rifles and shotguns, both with a clear eye on home defense.
Readers who are new to firearms will find much valuable information in a chapter entitled "Annie Get Your Gun." This takes the reader through the rudimentary decisions on configuration and caliber after a discussion of gun vocabulary.
A chapter on concealed carry is also full of practical advice, again from a woman's point of view. "Individual build governs holster choice," writes Hayes, as she provides a myriad of options as well as a very complete manufacturers' list at the end of the chapter.
Effective Defense continues in the practical self-defense mindset of the first edition of this popular book. In addition to current information about assault and crime prevention, the newly updated volume expands into detailed information about gun and holster selection, legally carrying a concealed handgun, home safety and home defense concerns and other issues facing today's women. • Developing the self-defense mindset
• Intermediate (unarmed) defenses
• Threat detection & avoidance
• Home defense concerns
• Rightful use of deadly force
• Handgun selection
• Shooting techniques for women
• Children and gun safety
• Sexual assault prevention
• Surviving and avoiding workplace violence
• Separate, in-depth chapters on rifles & shotguns
• Tactics of armed defense
• Concealed carry methods that work for women
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There's a good description of who the author is on the page linked above. It would seem this book, as well as
The Gift of Fear from Gavin DeBecker might both help someone who's working towards developing a self defense, personal empowerment Mindset.
We own "The Gift of Fear" and from the bit of the book I've read it should be pretty good. Gavin DeBecker isn't a big 2A guy, but that's not what you seem to be looking for.
Sorry for the sideways Thread Jack Spasmo.... But based on the last three pages of comments, I thought this might be appropriate.