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  1. #1
    Shooter
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    Union jokes (not for the easily offended)

    WARNING: AGAIN NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED. THESE ARE NOT MY JOKES, THEY ARE OFF RANDOM WEBSITES


    Im pretty anti union, in case you couldnt tell. I do happen to have a Teamster job. Please dont tell me "If you hate unions, you should quit your union job"

    Its not really a valid argument, Im not gonna give up a good job because of the union crap that I have no part of.

    Fully expect to severely piss some people off, couldnt care less to be honest. I get pretty sick of the union crap at work. Guys who sit in the break room for 2 hours making $24 an hour because theres no work that directly pertains to their bid. But they are entitled to it per the contract!

    Some of my favorites:


    ----------------------------

    A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
    in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
    he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
    house?"


    "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."


    "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


    "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."


    Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
    down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
    shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
    where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."


    The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


    "The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."


    "That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00,
    looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
    "I'd like her for the night."


    "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85
    year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."


    --------------------------------


    Two Teamsters are standing around talking. The first Teamster notices that the second Teamster keeps looking down at a snail near his foot and getting more and more on edge.
    Finally, the second Teamster stomps the snail and crushes it into snail dust and slime.
    “Hey, whydjya do that?” the first Teamster yells. “That snail wasn’t hurtin’ any thing.”
    “The hell you say,” the second Teamster yells. “That damned snail’s been followin me around all day!”


    ----------------------------------


    - How many Teamsters does it take to unload a tractor-trailer? What damn business is it of YOURS?!!


    ------------------------------------


    - How can you tell the Teamsters’ kids at the local playground? They’re the ones sitting in lawnchairs and eating doughnuts.


    ----------------------------------


    - How can you tell when a Teamster’s died? The doughnut drops out of his hand.


    ------------------------------------


    Why do the teamsters use a horse as a mascot?
    Because its the only working animal known to man to sleep standing up….


    --------------------------------------


    Two managers and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from
    back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war...could you help me?" "Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years. The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long term disability."


    ------------------------------------


    What did Jesus tell the Teamsters before he died??


    "Dont do anything til I get back!!"


    -------------------------------------


    Links:

    www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1432594/posts

    www.jokes4fun.com/category/joke/Union_Jokes

    The last joke I typed myself. I did NOT make it up, but I have heard it so many times, so I dont have a link for that one, but again it is NOT my joke.
    Last edited by Armed Eastsider; 01-08-2011 at 16:07.

  2. #2
    Expert Ricnzak's Avatar
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    Whys it funny? Because most of it is true.

  3. #3
    Grandmaster Rookie's Avatar
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    A road crew foreman calls into the shop.
    Foreman:" we have a problem."
    Boss:" What's wrong?"
    Foreman:" we forgot our shovels."
    Boss:" I'll be out there as quick as I can. Lean on each other until I get there."

  4. #4
    Expert Hoosier Gun Coat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rookie View Post
    A road crew foreman calls into the shop.
    Foreman:" we have a problem."
    Boss:" What's wrong?"
    Foreman:" we forgot our shovels."
    Boss:" I'll be out there as quick as I can. Lean on each other until I get there."
    But who's going to hold the coffee???

  5. #5
    Sharpshooter Field King's Avatar
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    why not just quit and crossover to non union management for the same company, or is that an even bigger joke as they must have agreed to those silly "per contract rules" you mentioned. I have worked both sides, union and non union and have found equally as lazy and incompetent people in both areas. Good luck. The punchline is here if u look close enough.
    I'd rather be huntin

  6. #6
    Grandmaster public servant's Avatar
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    ACAB

  7. #7
    Expert Andre46996's Avatar
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    And every one is so original... Nice copy and paste job..

    Do you have the authors permission or do you just not care.

    Hmmmmmm profiting (In the form of rep or laughs) while doing nothing. Yep I can see why you are anti-union. Most of us hardworking union guys dislike the slugs that would do something like that. You know get credit or someone else's work.

    I never did see where you even gave a link or credit to the author.

  8. #8
    Expert PapaScout's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Field King View Post
    why not just quit and crossover to non union management for the same company, or is that an even bigger joke as they must have agreed to those silly "per contract rules" you mentioned. I have worked both sides, union and non union and have found equally as lazy and incompetent people in both areas. Good luck. The punchline is here if u look close enough.
    Yep! I've worked on both sides of it and was always amazed at the animosity between the sides. A good company striving to do good work with good people should be working together, but sometimes Company vs Union limits this.
    We confide in our strength, without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it. - Thomas Jefferson

    A gentleman seldom needs a pistol but when he needs one he needs it very badly. - Winston Churchill

  9. #9
    Grandmaster public servant's Avatar
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    My old man was very non-union. When I was a kid...around 5 years old...his company went on strike. He made us kids sleep on the back side of the house for a few weeks until the strike was settled.

    Some of his pro-union co-workers came along one night and shot the windows out of the front of the house. I have no use for people like that...no matter what side of the fence.
    ACAB

  10. #10
    Expert sparky241's Avatar
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    i was a teamster at one point, had nothing but problems with the company and the union did exactly nothing to help me. hell i could'nt find my union steward most of the time. but not all unions are like this. and not all union places are like this either.
    "I have ever deemed it more honorable and more profitable, too, to set a good example than to follow a bad one."
    -- Thomas Jefferson

    The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it.
    --Thomas Jefferson

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