How the fight started...

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  • Mgderf

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    May 30, 2009
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    Getting dressed for work today when the little woman walked by and noticed I had a hole in my sock.
    I replied, "Well, darn it..."
     

    Cameramonkey

    www.thechosen.tv
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    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....
     

    Cameramonkey

    www.thechosen.tv
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    On a related note.

    A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"

    The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like -- Mr. Plumber?"

    A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

    "What do I look like -- Mr. Goodwrench?"

    A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"

    "What do I look like -- Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

    One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

    When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"

    She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.

    "Wow, did he charge us anything?"

    "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him."

    "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?"

    "Cake? What the hell do I look like -- Betty Crocker?"
     

    Bigtanker

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    Aug 21, 2012
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    Getting dressed for work today when the little woman walked by and noticed I had a hole in my sock.
    I replied, "Well, darn it..."

    Sometimes the wick has been burning for a LONG time and just needs the slightest breeze to set it off.

    The one that comes to mind for me is "I really like your mom but......."

    Rough couple of days.
     

    Gluemanz28

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    Mar 4, 2013
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    Elkhart County
    I said something stupid the other day...... I know your all shocked.

    She said "You just lost some points" "Points!", I said.
    "I didn't know I was on a points system." "Heck I can blow through a lot of points in a hurry sometimes."
    I knew I should keep my Big Fat Mouth shut but before I knew it I shouted......
    "HEY CAN YOU TRANSFER THE REST OF MY POINTS TO YOUR YOUNGER SISTER"

    Thats when the fight started

    In fact I didn't see her for about three days, but after the fourth day the swelling had went down in my left eye that I could barely see her.
     

    Nazgul

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    Near the big river.
    When I first met my mother in law she told me I was the wrong gender to be right about anything. The fight has been on ever since.

    Gave her an Indian name, 3 Ponies. Nag, nag, nag....

    Don
     

    DeadeyeChrista'sdad

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    Feb 28, 2009
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    It was too easy. I should've nailed it. I just wasn't thinking. When she said "Does this dress make my ass look big?" All I had to do was say no. Not "Oh, it ain't the dress, little Debbie. "

    But at the end of the day she came crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Come out from under that bed and fight like a man, you little weasel!"
     

    indiucky

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    I am blessed to be married to a beautiful, successful, Argentine woman...She takes a great amount of pride in her Argentine heritage, culture and especially the Castillian dialect of Spanish she speaks that sounds almost Italian....So if I want to get her riled up...Not Loreena Babbit riled up but just riled up...Black eyes flashing with her dimples prominent....Is to just walk by her while she is skyping with her mother or cousin......Get my courage up....Maybe do a shot of bourbon...And then in a Muhlenburg County Kentucky accent..(Thanks Papaw, Chicks in California dig that accent...) say to her......

    "All y'all speak English so I don't know why y'all feel the need to talk Mexican all the time...."

    Then I run....Fast....Because that is not cool....:)

    My mother in law is a dead ringer for Angela Merkel and my wife's cousin is blonde haired, fair complected, and blue eyed....If I want to get my mother in law riled up it starts like this...

    "So Mirta, tell me what your daddy did in the war?"

    "I told you he is from Northern Italy and he was a tailor who fled Mussolini.."

    "Seriously Mirta...I am kin...How did he get to Argentina? U Boat?"

    "We are Italian..."

    "Sure you are...Wink...Wink....So seriously was it a U Boat??? I mean when did your dad know that Hitler had lost and it was time to get out of Germany..."

    "I have know idea what you are talking about...."

    "Right...Seriously I won't say anything to Mossad....So was he SS?"

    "You are crazy..."

    "No...I have history channel and I know where they all went....Admit it..."

    "I am done....."

    "Guten Tag..."

    "Que?"

    "Oh come on don't even act like you don't know what that means..."


    She is a good sport about it and it's become a little skit we do when she visits....
     
    Last edited:

    spec4

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    Jun 19, 2010
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    NWI
    I have long ago learned that no matter how right you are, you're wrong and will be punished accordingly.
     

    indiucky

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    I have long ago learned that no matter how right you are, you're wrong and will be punished accordingly.

    Word for word conversation I had with my dad 19.6 years ago after being married to my wife for 6 months.....

    "I am done dad...F this marriage BS..."

    "What happened?"

    "Well she wants to get this car cover...I told her it's a bad idea and that I am right about......."

    "What? No son...No....That'll never do...Your days of being right are over...Done..."

    "What do you mean by that?"

    "Look son, if it ain't going to cost $20,000 or someone get hurt or killed over it you just say "Yes ma'am" and let it ride..."

    "Are you serious..."

    "Yes sir....You know how your mom makes all of the little decisions and I make the big ones?"

    "Yeah..."

    "We have been married since 1963 and we have not had a big decision yet..."

    "So even if we are right???"

    "Yep...Just let it ride...Like I said, as long as it ain't over $20,000 or going to cost someone their life..."

    "Thanks dad..."

    "You know how your whole life you kind of thought you were kind of smart? Well read?"

    "Yes sir..."

    "Well son....You are getting ready to find out just how big a dumb *** you really are..."

    "Did Papaw?????"

    "Yep...He taught me...Now I am teaching you...."

    Just passed twenty years and like my father I make all of the big decisions.....We just don't have any big decisions to make...:)
     

    Alamo

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    Oct 4, 2010
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    Texas
    "Seriously Mirta...I am kin...How did he get to Argentina? U Boat?"

    Maybe not so far wrong! True story (and thread diversion): When I was stationed in a NATO unit in Germany, we got heads up that a new American officer was inbound. He had thoroughly German name -- won't use his real one, but something like Wilhelm Friedrich Stauffenberg. The Germans in our unit were very interested, thought he was first-generation American citizen, parents from the homeland, maybe even born in Germany and hey! Probably speaks German like a native!

    Then 1st Lt Stauffenberg showed up: 100% Puerto Rican. Spoke with a PR accent so heavy even us Amis had trouble understanding him sometimes. Turns out his grandfather was a German seaman on a merchant ship that was in a Puerto Rican port when WWII started. Grandpappy Stauffenberg decided "Kein Krieg für mich!" and jumped ship, found a local girl, settled down. All the kids since then had been given German names.

    Back to the fight....
     

    indiucky

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    12   0   0
    Maybe not so far wrong! True story (and thread diversion): When I was stationed in a NATO unit in Germany, we got heads up that a new American officer was inbound. He had thoroughly German name -- won't use his real one, but something like Wilhelm Friedrich Stauffenberg. The Germans in our unit were very interested, thought he was first-generation American citizen, parents from the homeland, maybe even born in Germany and hey! Probably speaks German like a native!

    Then 1st Lt Stauffenberg showed up: 100% Puerto Rican. Spoke with a PR accent so heavy even us Amis had trouble understanding him sometimes. Turns out his grandfather was a German seaman on a merchant ship that was in a Puerto Rican port when WWII started. Grandpappy Stauffenberg decided "Kein Krieg für mich!" and jumped ship, found a local girl, settled down. All the kids since then had been given German names.

    Back to the fight....

    That's some funny stuff right there...Thanks for sharing lol....
     
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