Getting dressed for work today when the little woman walked by and noticed I had a hole in my sock.
I replied, "Well, darn it..."
NRA Instructor/Dormant U.S.Marine/ NRA Benefactor-Life
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....
On a related note.
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like -- Mr. Plumber?"
A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like -- Mr. Goodwrench?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"What do I look like -- Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.
"Wow, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him."
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?"
"Cake? What the hell do I look like -- Betty Crocker?"
I said something stupid the other day...... I know your all shocked.
She said "You just lost some points" "Points!", I said.
"I didn't know I was on a points system." "Heck I can blow through a lot of points in a hurry sometimes."
I knew I should keep my Big Fat Mouth shut but before I knew it I shouted......
"HEY CAN YOU TRANSFER THE REST OF MY POINTS TO YOUR YOUNGER SISTER"
Thats when the fight started
In fact I didn't see her for about three days, but after the fourth day the swelling had went down in my left eye that I could barely see her.
"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery."
- Thomas Jefferson, letter to James Madison, January 30, 1787
When I first met my mother in law she told me I was the wrong gender to be right about anything. The fight has been on ever since.
Gave her an Indian name, 3 Ponies. Nag, nag, nag....
It was too easy. I should've nailed it. I just wasn't thinking. When she said "Does this dress make my ass look big?" All I had to do was say no. Not "Oh, it ain't the dress, little Debbie. "
But at the end of the day she came crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Come out from under that bed and fight like a man, you little weasel!"
Stiffy come home! Kutnupe, he's kinder and gentler. But still snarky.
I am blessed to be married to a beautiful, successful, Argentine woman...She takes a great amount of pride in her Argentine heritage, culture and especially the Castillian dialect of Spanish she speaks that sounds almost Italian....So if I want to get her riled up...Not Loreena Babbit riled up but just riled up...Black eyes flashing with her dimples prominent....Is to just walk by her while she is skyping with her mother or cousin......Get my courage up....Maybe do a shot of bourbon...And then in a Muhlenburg County Kentucky accent..(Thanks Papaw, Chicks in California dig that accent...) say to her......
"All y'all speak English so I don't know why y'all feel the need to talk Mexican all the time...."
Then I run....Fast....Because that is not cool....
My mother in law is a dead ringer for Angela Merkel and my wife's cousin is blonde haired, fair complected, and blue eyed....If I want to get my mother in law riled up it starts like this...
"So Mirta, tell me what your daddy did in the war?"
"I told you he is from Northern Italy and he was a tailor who fled Mussolini.."
"Seriously Mirta...I am kin...How did he get to Argentina? U Boat?"
"We are Italian..."
"Sure you are...Wink...Wink....So seriously was it a U Boat??? I mean when did your dad know that Hitler had lost and it was time to get out of Germany..."
"I have know idea what you are talking about...."
"Right...Seriously I won't say anything to Mossad....So was he SS?"
"You are crazy..."
"No...I have history channel and I know where they all went....Admit it..."
"I am done....."
"Oh come on don't even act like you don't know what that means..."
She is a good sport about it and it's become a little skit we do when she visits....
Now THAT is a podcast I want to listen to, "The Rick and Mirta Show"!