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wife is afraid of guns
- Thread starter ruger1968
- Start date
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Take her to Don's Guns... Oh wait, thats what you do if want her to HATE guns and the people who own them...
The NRA match is a good idea, or bring her over to pop guns and do the $11 flat rate rental fee and show her how a few different guns work and what makes them go bang etc.
Just like anything (cars, motorcycles, horse back riding, hunting, you name it) there are inherent risks with owning a gun, but if common sense is observed and general safety rules are followed you should be fine.
The NRA match is a good idea, or bring her over to pop guns and do the $11 flat rate rental fee and show her how a few different guns work and what makes them go bang etc.
Just like anything (cars, motorcycles, horse back riding, hunting, you name it) there are inherent risks with owning a gun, but if common sense is observed and general safety rules are followed you should be fine.
BloodEclipse
Grandmaster
What kind of gun are you considering?
There are basic firearms safety classes you both could attend.
By her taking the class with you she will have a better understanding of its use and should become less afraid. Heck she might even want one of her own afterward.
There are basic firearms safety classes you both could attend.
By her taking the class with you she will have a better understanding of its use and should become less afraid. Heck she might even want one of her own afterward.
Please don't start her out with a .357 snubbie or something like that. IME, women that are not real keen on firearms seem to really get into it if:
A. Little to no recoil.
B. She can hit the target.
C. Don't badger her.
D. Reactive targets are cool (like jugs full of water, fruit, etc...)
A .22 rifle or pistol at close range should fit the bill nicely.
A. Little to no recoil.
B. She can hit the target.
C. Don't badger her.
D. Reactive targets are cool (like jugs full of water, fruit, etc...)
A .22 rifle or pistol at close range should fit the bill nicely.
Get somebody close (mom/dad/grandpa/etc) to praise them. My wife was still unsure about firearms until her dad told her that it's good she learned how to shoot, and that he was proud of her. She's even started talking about getting a carry handgun and permit after talking to a friend that defended herself with a revolver..
It took 9 years of marriage before my wife finally went to shoot with me. She still does not "like" them and says they are "dumb" but when I have one on me from time to time she will ask if I have it and when I say I do she says "good". 
She actually enjoyed shooting and would like to go again and I am not about to say no. A .22 was what I started her on with a rifle, but the same day she shot .380, .22 handgun, .45 1911, and an AR15. This from someone who seems to think they are evil, but is not so adamant about it now. It has been 11 years now.
I'll take what I can get!
She actually enjoyed shooting and would like to go again and I am not about to say no. A .22 was what I started her on with a rifle, but the same day she shot .380, .22 handgun, .45 1911, and an AR15. This from someone who seems to think they are evil, but is not so adamant about it now. It has been 11 years now.
I'll take what I can get!
You should do all of the above.... I started my wife off by taking her to watch me shoot. On the way home she was like ""that was cool"" ""I guess I wouldn't mind trying it"" And that was the start of a nice thing. shes even encuraged me to buy new guns and loves my AK!
Crystalship1
Master
Maybe her introduction has nothing to do with guns. Spasmo was not a gun person at all until she started taking martial arts classes. Once she started understanding how to defend herself, she started looking at the things she could use. I'm not necessarily saying send her to karate class, but you don't have to throw a gun in her face to get her over her fear.
So I don't have to repeat myself:
Read this post: https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo..._an_issue_and_need_some_help-3.html#post80201
from this thread:
https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...383-i_ve_got_an_issue_and_need_some_help.html
The whole thread is actually pretty good if you ignore the random smartassery in there. The short version is she's emotional about guns rather than rational, and unless she's had some personal experience to set her against them (which I will allow IS possible), she only knows what the media tells her (which is generally only the bad stuff). So you've got to convince her of the good stuff. You really have to nail home the safety & responsibility. My guess is (based off my husband's own tribulations he went through with convincing me) that she doesn't really understand how a gun works (nor does she want to). Ergo, she knows guns hurt people, and if you have a gun, you will get hurt. It's what she knows. You just have to teach her otherwise.
The key there, however, is that it has to be in her own time. It won't be an overnight thing, and it won't be easy. You can't force it on her, and the more you push, the more she'll pull away.
Read this post: https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo..._an_issue_and_need_some_help-3.html#post80201
from this thread:
https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...383-i_ve_got_an_issue_and_need_some_help.html
The whole thread is actually pretty good if you ignore the random smartassery in there. The short version is she's emotional about guns rather than rational, and unless she's had some personal experience to set her against them (which I will allow IS possible), she only knows what the media tells her (which is generally only the bad stuff). So you've got to convince her of the good stuff. You really have to nail home the safety & responsibility. My guess is (based off my husband's own tribulations he went through with convincing me) that she doesn't really understand how a gun works (nor does she want to). Ergo, she knows guns hurt people, and if you have a gun, you will get hurt. It's what she knows. You just have to teach her otherwise.
The key there, however, is that it has to be in her own time. It won't be an overnight thing, and it won't be easy. You can't force it on her, and the more you push, the more she'll pull away.
I wish I could figure women out. My late wife had no problem standing on our back porch and shoot trap with me all evening. She would even pick up a rifle and show her stuff on our long range targets, but tell her I wanted to buy a pistol and she threatened to beat me with that shottie! When I told her I wanted to buy my first AK style rifle, she said "It is a long gun, right?!" I had no problem buying evil looking rifles, or any shotgun, but Lord help me if I wanted a handgun.
Go figure.
Go figure.
And be careful, I tired the same method with my wife on drag racing, told her it was soooooo safe. First ever race we went to and a guy went down the track and never let off, hit the earthen embankment and died. It is thought later that he had a heart attack on the way down, but the impact at the end at about 200mph sure did not help him that was for sure.
Felt really bad, and so did my wife. Guess what she thinks of drag racing?
Try to avoid similar results when taking her out for the first time please!
Felt really bad, and so did my wife. Guess what she thinks of drag racing?
Try to avoid similar results when taking her out for the first time please!
My wife was un educated and brainwashed about guns when we met. I went out back one day with a 30 carbine ( just bought it) and ran a few rounds through it and asked her if she wanted to try. I didn't shoot it anymore that day as she ran through the ammo I had LOL
Hee you go...the best way to get started
https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...pistol_course_-_oct_11_2008_a.html#post126614
https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...pistol_course_-_oct_11_2008_a.html#post126614
My wife of 6 years came from a very anti-gun family, and I just never pushed it, although I never really avoided the subject of my guns. She was never interested in going to the range, or learning anything about them, but she 'accepted' the fact that I had a few around. A couple of years ago, i started talking about the politics of firearms, and why it's become "politically correct" to NOT own guns. She started reading more politically-oriented news, and a lot of history.
Then, we had a son, and I started working a lot of 3rd shifts. She decided that she needed to learn how to shoot. She's now pretty good with my .25 Baretta, and can handle my 1911A1 .45 reasonably well, even though she has small hands.
Then, we had a son, and I started working a lot of 3rd shifts. She decided that she needed to learn how to shoot. She's now pretty good with my .25 Baretta, and can handle my 1911A1 .45 reasonably well, even though she has small hands.
I had to take my wife out with a friend of hers and my 10/22 and get her started. Once she saw that it was safe she steadily was more cool with it. Eventually I got her to go to a show and see how many different types of guns/pistols there were. She about lost it when she saw the pink taurus pistols. Whatever works!!!! After she liked shooting I threw the safety stuff at her for home security when Im at work... Now she's got a glock 19 in the bedside drawer.Good luck.....
Tinman
I'm just enjoying the show!
I think some of you are missing the point. She’s afraid of guns. A match, class, public range can be a loud and overwhelming experience for a new shooter. Add her anxiety caused by her fear, and you could just solidify her objections more. Especially if someone does something dumb or unsafe.
Here’s my best advice, start by talking with her about it, not at her about it. This means ask lots of probing open ended questions like why do you not like guns. Then probe her answers a little more. You’re going to find one of two things, either she has had personal experience, or is just listening to the media hype. With any luck it’s just the media hype, because personal experience takes a looooong time to reverse.
Since I gather that you don’t currently own a gun, approach gun ownership seriously. Personally take an NRA basic class (even before you own the gun). Memorize the gun safety rules, study different pistols, and their safety features. Next, take a few private lessons of your own from a coach. What you’re doing here is really proving to her that you are taking her fears seriously, and taking the responsibility of gun ownership seriously.
Next comes the big steps, the hands on work. Up till this point it’s been all about talking and changing her perceptions of you and your motives. Find a friend that is serious about ownership, and preferably owns a small 22 rifle or pistol. Find a nice quite range, someplace with a good back stop and space. Outside would be preferred as it tends to keep the noise down. Next, convince her to come watch you shoot. Be specific, you don’t expect her to handle anything, or shoot, you just want her to come and see how you’re doing. Plan a day when no one else will be there banging away with their favorite 338 or something. Meet your friend, introduce your wife, give your wife eye protection and ear protection, go over the safety rules with her, then put her WAY back off the firing line, and run a few from your buddy’s innocuous looking 22. Use a bullseye target, nothing that looks aggressive or threatening, and certainly nothing that looks human. Go slow, pay strict attention to the safety rules, and don’t make any mistakes. Break often, especially in the beginning to check on your wife. After you run a hundred rounds or so, pack it in for the day. If you’re feeling froggy, ask her if she wants to see what you were shooting. If she does, take her up, let her look at them on the table, but don’t put any pressure on her to touch them. This is a big thing, don’t ever pressure her to go further than she’s ready too. This isn’t a try it, you’ll grow into it thing. She’ll hate it more, and resent you for making her do it. On your way home, talk to her, see what she thought.
Next big step, once she’s had a few days or weeks to digest the range day, now it’s time for the gun shop trip. Find a reputable gun shop, preferably that doesn’t have the gun shop commando for a teller. Take her during an off peak time. Try to avoid the sales people today. Advice on what’s the best man stopper is probably the last thing she needs to hear about. Focus on the sport guns, they tend to be less intimidating than the defensive guns. Talk to her about the different safety features of different models (that’s where the previous homework comes in). Again, don’t push. If something catches her eye, ask to see it. Ask informed questions, and continue to make sure you and the clerk maintain strict adherence to the safety rules. Once again, point out different features of the gun she liked. Ask if she wants to hold it. Again don’t pressure, if she says no, set it on the counter and thank the clerk. Don’t spend all afternoon, but spend enough time that she’s comfortable and has asked any questions she might have. If it gets to busy, or loud that’s your queue to leave. This is especially true if some of those afore mentioned gun shop commandos, or shady characters come in and start hanging around. Then take her out to lunch or dinner, make it one stop in a nice date afternoon. Again with the talking, ask her which one she liked.
Keep working at it, taking her to the range with you, taking her to the gun shop to look with you, now maybe even try taking her to one of those matches but remember keep the visits short and keep her eyes and ears protected. The noise can be a big fear for a lot of women, so be careful of that issue. Don’t isolate her, but try and stay back a bit from any of the action, let her make the decision to move closer. Most important, stay with her all the time. Don’t just drop her at the edge of the range and run off to talk with your new found friends. Don’t rush, and don’t pressure.
After a few trips to the gun shop, start to dial in on what you might want to own (an added benefit of this process). Then start the next process, let her know you want to start saving for it. It’s not a commitment to buy, but you want to put money away for that option. That way she gets over the financial aspect of the purchase, and doesn’t think you hid something from her by saving the money on the sly. Once you have the money, you have to carefully approach the purchase. However you pitch it, don’t bring it home until she gives the nod. If you do, it’ll only drive her back the other direction. Don’t stop offering for her to go to the range or gun store with you just because you got what you want, and for heavens sake, don’t start with the pressure for her to shoot. That’s whole topic unto itself.
I’ve rambled long enough, so I’ll close it with this, communication will go a long way. Proving your responsibility rather than the responsibility of other gun owners will go even farther. Finally be patient and don’t pressure her. If it sounds like this will take a while, you’re right it will, but like anything else in marriage, it’ll be worth the wait in the long run.
Just my thoughts, it could be just a bunch of junk, but it’s worked for several people I’ve had the pleasure of helping through this same problem.
Tinman….
Here’s my best advice, start by talking with her about it, not at her about it. This means ask lots of probing open ended questions like why do you not like guns. Then probe her answers a little more. You’re going to find one of two things, either she has had personal experience, or is just listening to the media hype. With any luck it’s just the media hype, because personal experience takes a looooong time to reverse.
Since I gather that you don’t currently own a gun, approach gun ownership seriously. Personally take an NRA basic class (even before you own the gun). Memorize the gun safety rules, study different pistols, and their safety features. Next, take a few private lessons of your own from a coach. What you’re doing here is really proving to her that you are taking her fears seriously, and taking the responsibility of gun ownership seriously.
Next comes the big steps, the hands on work. Up till this point it’s been all about talking and changing her perceptions of you and your motives. Find a friend that is serious about ownership, and preferably owns a small 22 rifle or pistol. Find a nice quite range, someplace with a good back stop and space. Outside would be preferred as it tends to keep the noise down. Next, convince her to come watch you shoot. Be specific, you don’t expect her to handle anything, or shoot, you just want her to come and see how you’re doing. Plan a day when no one else will be there banging away with their favorite 338 or something. Meet your friend, introduce your wife, give your wife eye protection and ear protection, go over the safety rules with her, then put her WAY back off the firing line, and run a few from your buddy’s innocuous looking 22. Use a bullseye target, nothing that looks aggressive or threatening, and certainly nothing that looks human. Go slow, pay strict attention to the safety rules, and don’t make any mistakes. Break often, especially in the beginning to check on your wife. After you run a hundred rounds or so, pack it in for the day. If you’re feeling froggy, ask her if she wants to see what you were shooting. If she does, take her up, let her look at them on the table, but don’t put any pressure on her to touch them. This is a big thing, don’t ever pressure her to go further than she’s ready too. This isn’t a try it, you’ll grow into it thing. She’ll hate it more, and resent you for making her do it. On your way home, talk to her, see what she thought.
Next big step, once she’s had a few days or weeks to digest the range day, now it’s time for the gun shop trip. Find a reputable gun shop, preferably that doesn’t have the gun shop commando for a teller. Take her during an off peak time. Try to avoid the sales people today. Advice on what’s the best man stopper is probably the last thing she needs to hear about. Focus on the sport guns, they tend to be less intimidating than the defensive guns. Talk to her about the different safety features of different models (that’s where the previous homework comes in). Again, don’t push. If something catches her eye, ask to see it. Ask informed questions, and continue to make sure you and the clerk maintain strict adherence to the safety rules. Once again, point out different features of the gun she liked. Ask if she wants to hold it. Again don’t pressure, if she says no, set it on the counter and thank the clerk. Don’t spend all afternoon, but spend enough time that she’s comfortable and has asked any questions she might have. If it gets to busy, or loud that’s your queue to leave. This is especially true if some of those afore mentioned gun shop commandos, or shady characters come in and start hanging around. Then take her out to lunch or dinner, make it one stop in a nice date afternoon. Again with the talking, ask her which one she liked.
Keep working at it, taking her to the range with you, taking her to the gun shop to look with you, now maybe even try taking her to one of those matches but remember keep the visits short and keep her eyes and ears protected. The noise can be a big fear for a lot of women, so be careful of that issue. Don’t isolate her, but try and stay back a bit from any of the action, let her make the decision to move closer. Most important, stay with her all the time. Don’t just drop her at the edge of the range and run off to talk with your new found friends. Don’t rush, and don’t pressure.
After a few trips to the gun shop, start to dial in on what you might want to own (an added benefit of this process). Then start the next process, let her know you want to start saving for it. It’s not a commitment to buy, but you want to put money away for that option. That way she gets over the financial aspect of the purchase, and doesn’t think you hid something from her by saving the money on the sly. Once you have the money, you have to carefully approach the purchase. However you pitch it, don’t bring it home until she gives the nod. If you do, it’ll only drive her back the other direction. Don’t stop offering for her to go to the range or gun store with you just because you got what you want, and for heavens sake, don’t start with the pressure for her to shoot. That’s whole topic unto itself.
I’ve rambled long enough, so I’ll close it with this, communication will go a long way. Proving your responsibility rather than the responsibility of other gun owners will go even farther. Finally be patient and don’t pressure her. If it sounds like this will take a while, you’re right it will, but like anything else in marriage, it’ll be worth the wait in the long run.
Just my thoughts, it could be just a bunch of junk, but it’s worked for several people I’ve had the pleasure of helping through this same problem.
Tinman….
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