And Now for Something Completely Different....

[Pami]

You think English is easy??? Read to the end ... a new twist

1) The bandage waswoundaround thewound.

2) The farm was used toproduce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had torefuse morerefuse.

4) We must polish thePolishfurniture.

5) He couldlead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in thedesert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time topresent thepresent

8) Abass was painted on the head of thebassdrum.

9) When shot at, thedove dove into the bushes.

10) I did notobject to theobject.

11) The insurance wasinvalid for theinvalid.

12) There was arow among the oarsmen about how to row ...

13) They were too close to the door toclose it.

14) The buckdoesfunny things when thedoes are present.

15) A seamstress and asewer fell down into asewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught hissow tosow.

17) Thewind was too strong towind the sail.

18) Upon seeing thetear in the painting I shed atear.

19) I had to subject thesubject to a series of tests.

20) How can Iintimatethis to my mostintimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people not computers and it reflects the cr eativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UPexcuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, loo k the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP ,you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ...When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........it is time to shut UP !

Oh . . . one more thing:


What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

 

[NWI40cal]

Wow I NEVER thought of english in such a way. My brain hurts and I'm going to bed.

Good read though.

 

[pute62]

And you wonder why they want Spanish as a first language.

 

[lawrra]

I've had friends go to Germany and Spain for a month or more, speaking their languages, and come back home saying how ridiculous the English language is. I've taken Spanish courses in high school and college; some languages just make more sense.

 

[ATM]

Just one question: What's up?



*silly English knnniggets*

 

[lawrra]

Just one question: What's up?



*silly English knnniggets*

*Now, look here, my good man...*

 

[jclark]

Ouch....my head hurts.

 

[GBultra]

I literally have a headache from it...it might be because of tonight's partying but eitherway reading that seriously gave me a headache.

 

[Jay]

Ok folks, NOW you know why she's a moderator.... she's comfortable with all that......

 

[stilllearning09]

Love it!! I need to thank an English teacher.

 

[Bill of Rights]

Love it!! I need to thank an English teacher.

And a soldier.

 

[DHolder]

Thank a soldier. In fact.... thank all the soldiers, all the way back to 1775. If it wasn't for them, we would speak english with a British accent!

 

[Mr. Habib]

I've got to pass this on to my wife. She was an eighth grade English teacher for fifteen years, She'll love it.

 

[Scutter01]

You forgot "Blood doesn't make good food."

 

[redneckmedic]

I know a few other words that have that many def. but Too many mods around here to even give a first letter.

 

[kingnereli]

I like watching people who are learning english trying to understand out idioms.

Things like a low ball offer, cold shoulder, drink from a fire hose, no skin off my back or itchy trigger finger.

 

[Arm America]

Pami provided this a while back and I thought it was really interesting then.

So much so that with the school year ending, thought maybe some of the newer members would want to share it with their kids for class discussion.

Thanks Pami

 

[drgnrobo]

Wow, it sounds like a gallager comedy routine I seen years ago which he had the same thoughts

 

[Colt556]

Now that spring has sprung it's time to close the drawer on my winter clothes.

 

[JBusch8899]

...........And of course

21. The wound on the p*ssy, was p*ussy.

Cat scratches are always prone to infection.

Now why would terms to name or describe a feline and a pus filled infection be auto-edited?