Best of Craigslist: Throwing Cigarettes out Car Windows...

[rambone]

Funny thing on Craigslist:

best of craigslist: Re: TO THE ******* WHO BURNED MY ARM

TO THE A**H*** WHO BURNED MY ARM



To Mr smoker in the Big brown s****y smelly old Chevy van:

thanks for throwing your f*****g cigarette out your window. it flew into my sunroof and burned my f*****g arm. it's a REALLL F*****G HEALTHY HABIT, SO JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY EVEN MORE GORGEOUS FOR ME


A**H***. F*** YOU!!!!!!!

and PS i know i'm going to get flamed from other smokers, but i'm sorry - i am PISSED right now.

Then a reply:

Re: TO THE A**H*** WHO BURNED MY ARM




That sucks.

Once when I lived in Indiana, I threw a Marlboro out the window of my Camaro and it landed in this Amish dudes stupid buggy.

He gets all excited about it, screaming "Ye smoker, ye suck!! Come hither and I will smite thee! Ye are an a**!" and even "Thy Camaro is a s***ty chick car!!" - all crazy and even the damn horse looked pissed when I floored it and watched them get tiny el pronto, Tonto, in the rearview while I gave them both the finger out of the sunroof and laughed until I started to cough violently and had to use my inhaler again.

Some Abe Lincoln dressing dumba** driving a one-horse wooden box trying to tell me about cars. Please, Yoder. Check out these sweet chrome Playboy mudflaps.

So the next day I'm stopped at a red light and I hear this noise, like a bunch of horses galloping, right? So I look in the rearview mirror and jesus! There's a bunch of horses galloping! A whole tribe of these crazy Amish f***ers on horseback galloping up the road towards me, waving pitchforks and salad tongs and one of the new lightweight plastic leaf rakes from Lowes that wouldn't hurt you really but looks scary as hell anyway.

I give them a big fat middle finger and crank up the Van Halen, smash the gas to the floor and brace for launch, knowing the Yoder Bros Gang is about to get tiny once again. Stupid Amish, will they never learn?

Nothing. Stupid Camaro stalled. Man they drug me out of my own sunroof and beat me like a slutty mule that wouldn't plow. Then they tied me behind one of the horses and paraded me down Main Street, making me smoke ten Marlboros at once. I think it looked really stupid but they seemed to like it, so whatever.

Then they got me drunk on Amish Whiskey and tried to hook me up with one those big Amish chicks, but I said "No thee hell I won't. I sayeth unto ye, not a damn chance in hell I'm doing some chick who looks like John Goodman in a floor-length tablecloth."

"Nay?" they said, snickering at me as I looked up at the Amish chick.
"You're g*dd*mned right NAY you Little House On the Prarie bastards.." I said.

They laughed and laughed and we all lit up a couple of Amish home-rolled cigarettes, finished off the whiskey and watched the John Goodman chick wrestle a truck driver to the ground in the parking lot. But she let him go.

Finally I said thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson and hell, showing me a damn good time in the process, and crawled back to my sissy Camaro, which started and did not stall again even once during my drive to the emergency room for treatment.

But I never burned my arm.

That sucks.

 

[MyGlockRocks19]

ROFL!

Some people really have a gift when it comes to storytelling!

 

[mettle]

'slutty mule that wouldn't plow'... classic...

 

[The Meach]

yep I lol'd

 

[danielocean03]

Wow, that was really entertaining! Great read!

 

[HICKMAN]

oh man, that was awesome, lol.

 

[MyGlockRocks19]

You should try reading the personals some time...creepy stuff...

 

[eatsnopaste]

You should try reading the personals some time...creepy stuff...

But creepy in a good way...right?

 

[Dryden]

Is this the same writer that did the bogus reviews for the Wolf Tee Shirts on Amazon.com? The style is similar any very funny.

P.S. There's a thread somewhere on this forum with a link to the Wolf Tee shirt reviews.

 

[jerico616]

I might need a new keyboard as I just spit water all over it!!!

That was awesome!!!

 

[RachelMarie]

That was good.

I threw a smoke out the window once and it hit the windshield of an unmarked police car behind me(after dark). He puled me over and told me if he wasn't trained to drive under stressful situations he could have wrecked! I never knew a smoke could cause that much damage.

I don't throw anything out car windows now but I am all "green" and what-not!

 

[Beau]

Read that. Read all the replies. Typed this and I'm still laughing. Nice find.

 

[Chefcook]

 

[Rattlesnake46319]

But creepy in a good way...right?

No, more like creepy in a "there are some really sick freaks out there" way.

 

[spasmo]

ROFL!

Some people really have a gift when it comes to storytelling!

Rhino always told great stories. I miss them..

 

[MyGlockRocks19]

No, more like creepy in a "there are some really sick freaks out there" way.

Exactly...I have read things that cannot be described here, things I will never be able to un-read....

 

[hookedonjeep]

+1! Too good!

 

[jblomenberg16]

"No thee hell I won't. I sayeth unto ye, not a damn chance in hell I'm doing some chick who looks like John Goodman in a floor-length tablecloth."

I can see one of my old college buddies saying that after 10 or 6 beers...good times.

In a strange way, it reminds me a bit of some of the scenes out of Role Models.

 

[hotfarmboy1]

I just now finally read this thread, and all I can say is I

I'd like to meet some of these guys that come up with some of these stories and tell them good job and thanks.

 

[45-70]

Now that's some funny stuff.