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Chuck Norris jokes
- Thread starter PapaScout
- Start date
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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
redneckmedic
Grandmaster
Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark...the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris is the reason Dinosaurs are extincted!
Chuck Norris invented Bacon!
Chuck Norris is the reason Dinosaurs are extincted!
Chuck Norris invented Bacon!
When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, wet gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter!
When Chuck Norris was born, only the doctor was crying. Never slap Chuck Norris!
(courtesy of my son, Jesse)
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter!
When Chuck Norris was born, only the doctor was crying. Never slap Chuck Norris!
(courtesy of my son, Jesse)
- Chuck Norris doesn't eat an elephant one bite at a time - he just eats it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't fall down - The world shifts to compensate.
- Chuck Norris can tell a "3 men walk into a bar" joke with only 2 people.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did
-Every month Chuck Norris has sex with every woman in the world, in result they bleed for a week
-Chuck Norris was having sex in a tractor trailor, some of his sperm got into the engine. It is what we know now as Optimus Prime!
-Every month Chuck Norris has sex with every woman in the world, in result they bleed for a week
-Chuck Norris was having sex in a tractor trailor, some of his sperm got into the engine. It is what we know now as Optimus Prime!
The last digit of pi is 4, the entire pi number is 3.141592654
Heeheeheee
I just pray Chuck does not read this.
There are no Chuck Norris jokes. There are only statements of unreserved adulation that Chuck Norris allows to be said.
From Ghosties and Ghoulies and Long Leggety Beasties and things that go bump in the night, Chuck Norris deliver us.
In the beginning there was the Word. And the Word was with God. And the Word was Chuck Norris.
Okay, that's two words.
They made "Bambi meets Godzilla" because "Godzilla meets Chuck Norris" would be two one-sided, for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is immune to Iocane powder.
Chuck Norris is not left handed either.
From Ghosties and Ghoulies and Long Leggety Beasties and things that go bump in the night, Chuck Norris deliver us.
In the beginning there was the Word. And the Word was with God. And the Word was Chuck Norris.
Okay, that's two words.
They made "Bambi meets Godzilla" because "Godzilla meets Chuck Norris" would be two one-sided, for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is immune to Iocane powder.
Chuck Norris is not left handed either.
redneckmedic
Grandmaster
IndyBeerman
Was a real life Beerman.....
Chuck did, he has patienceI just pray Chuck does not read this.
run....quick and far away
IndyBeerman
Was a real life Beerman.....
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris used to beat the **** out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper doesn't have the balls or the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on PSP with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Jesus asks himself, "What Would Chuck Norris Do?"
When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked
That's it, I'm all Chucked out
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris used to beat the **** out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper doesn't have the balls or the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on PSP with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Jesus asks himself, "What Would Chuck Norris Do?"
When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked
That's it, I'm all Chucked out
jrogers
Why not pass the time with a game of solitaire?
Is it 2005 again already?
- Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups; he's too old.
- Chuck Norris ruins every party he goes to because he is a born again Christian fundie.
- When Chuck Norris endorses a presidential candidate, it's Mike Huckabee.
- Evolution is a lie; there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris believes were created by our Lord God Almighty.
- Chuck Norris once told Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris joke. But Chuck Norris didn't laugh. Because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
