Her ex breaks in, now what??

[jwhites4]

My girlfriend's ex came into her house uninvited in the early morning a couple days ago to get the rest of his stuff he left there. I was there along with a couple of our friends and he started going crazy throwing stuff, breaking things, etc. I was told to just stay in the bedroom while she took care of it. Not even thinking about the possible consequences for staying put, I did. After 3 times of him refusing to leave I decided to go and see what was going on. When I walked out of the bedroom, he had his hand up acting as if he was going to hit her while threatening her with physical harm. I had my pistol in hand and he focused on it, rethinking his action. He was then told to leave again and did.

She is now afraid to stay by herself and rightfully so. I gave her 2 of my pistols she is familiar with and told her to not hesitate to shoot if he comes in again. The locks have been changed, restraining order will be filed first thing Tuesday, and I am staying with her for a little while just for some extra piece of mind.

My only real question is what else can be done? The police won't arrest him because he had a key that he "lost". (I know, the locks should have been changed then and there) I do not want to shoot someone for simply being stupid, but will do what ever it takes to protect my girlfriend and myself.

 

[blamecharles]

Trespass him. Also any dynamic entry into my dwelling is meet with force necessary to stop it.

 

[littletommy]

I'm not feeling very good about leaving her with your weapons. I would put money on her not using them at all, or just trying to scare him, and getting the gun taken away by him and used on her.

I don't know her, and I may be way off, but that would be a deep concern for me if I were in your shoes.

 

[lowendgenerator]

Restraining order, deadbolts, and a mean dog.

You might want to rethink your strategy of giving her your guns though, especially if this is a new relationship.

 

[longbarrel]

[QUOTE Also any dynamic entry into my dwelling is meet with force necessary to stop it.[/QUOTE]

Blame: You have a lot of this in your time??

 

[VUPDblue]

let him have his stuff, this way he has no reason to return. change the locks. get a protective order.

 

[cg21]

i had the SAME thing happen except the guy didnt have a key and i didnt have a gun... he crawled in the bedroom window.. well he started to come in i proceeded to drag him in and put him to sleep.... then my now ex was crying to let him go cause she didnt want him seriously hurt... so i did and grabbed the next best thing to a gun... a knife. he left peacefully after waking up.


i had the same problem not much for the cops to do. they dont do something till a serious incident happens.

 

[Hookeye]

She told you to stay out of it when the jerk broke in.

No need to get involved afterward IMHO

Yeah everybody has a past, pick a gal with a more mellow one.

 

[88GT]

let him have his stuff, this way he has no reason to return.

Right because he won't fabricate another reason to come back and start **** again.

C'mon. Rational people who don't naturally resort to violence wouldn't feel the need to enter uninvited and break things, let alone raise a hand to someone while verbally threatening her.

 

[techres]

1. Get anything that was ever his and put it on the porch.
2. Change locks.
3. Restraining order.
4. Have her buy her own firearm.
5. Borrow a dog.
6. Have her record everything on paper. Everything that has happened in the past, this event and any events to follow such as phone calls, drive by's, and so on. Write it all down.
7. Take a serious and careful evaluation about your place in this situation. You are in a precarious situation both legally and emotionally if you take action on her behalf and as an interjection in her lingering drama. If you act as hero/white knight/so on, you may find the ground come out from under you just about the same moment you acted more than you might have meant to. Be clear about who you are and what you are doing and the legal ramifications if you have to go on your word, and your word alone. Additionally, know you cannot build a solid relationship as her saver, because that keeps you from building it on something that is just the two of you. Go slow, be careful, and act of your own volition, not from your reaction.

Oh, and did I mention, you need to help her help herself at every possible point.

Does she have family? A Priest/Rabbi? Close friends who are solid people? If so, get them involved asap.

 

[joshualee49]

Unfortunately for some aggressors an escalation of force is the only reason that they are able to comprehend...

The guy might be out-of-his-mind emotional right now. I'd keep a close watch until it blows over. I have no clue the circumstances or details between the three of you but I do know what "scorned lovers" are capable of in fits of anger.

Sad but true.

 

[joshualee49]

1. Get anything that was ever his and put it on the porch.
2. Change locks.
3. Restraining order.
4. Have her buy her own firearm.
5. Borrow a dog.
6. Have her record everything on paper. Everything that has happened in the past, this event and any events to follow such as phone calls, drive by's, and so on. Write it all down.
7. Take a serious and careful evaluation about your place in this situation. You are in a precarious situation both legally and emotionally if you take action on her behalf and as an interjection in her lingering drama. If you act as hero/white knight/so on, you may find the ground come out from under you just about the same moment you acted more than you might have meant to. Be clear about who you are and what you are doing and the legal ramifications if you have to go on your word, and your word alone. Additionally, know you cannot build a solid relationship as her saver, because that keeps you from building it on something that is just the two of you. Go slow, be careful, and act of your own volition, not from your reaction.

Oh, and did I mention, you need to help her help herself at every possible point.

Does she have family? A Priest/Rabbi? Close friends who are solid people? If so, get them involved asap.

Outstanding advice. +1 to you, sir.

 

[jghelton]

Outstanding advice. +1 to you, sir.

again i agree , But here is the thing , i remember as a young child maybe 6 or 7 a friend of my moms showed up at our house , she was married to my dad and had been since i was born , he kicked it ol school and whooped his ass big time , tore that dude up ....But now we are in a different time and place i was born in 83 so on that note if ol boy pulled that in my home id do the same thing , no need to shoot him especially in that situation , but if it was different as to the affect your life or hers was being threatend thats another story . What ever happened to a good ol ass whoopin ?

 

[Mosinguy]

I'd gtfo OP, unless you have some sort of obligation to be there. Unlike the job market, there are plenty of girls to choose from with less of a background. Also why do you trust this girl so much so soon? If the guy still had stuff in the house they must've broken up recently. I wouldn't trust someone like that so quickly with any firearms.

 

[techres]

I married into a stalker situation myself, so I have a little experience. The things we had to work on were twofold:

1. My now wife, then fiancee, needed to learn that the ways she had been taught to deal with men was all wrong for the person in question. She had to take on a new, and uncomfortable approach, which was direct, careful and merciless/unemotional.

2. Her stalker had to understand that there was no drama left to feed off of and that continued contact only led to increasing legal difficulty and the calm seriousness that I had for my and her personal safety should he try and make personal contact.

The three fold approach worked: (A) reduce drama to stop feeding troll, (B) increase legal consequence to make stalker feel increased pain as well as to increase legal paper trail should something bad happen, and (C) make very clear that in all calmness and clarity of mind, a decision had been made to protect us from his continued bad choices.

My wife, though, did have to change and we did have to do a bunch of BS, and yeah - we felt all whoop ass about an easier way to deal with the guy, but there is a right way to do things and that is to protect yourself and her from bad choices.

Most of those bad choices will come from the ex, but if you are not careful, you might come up with a couple yourself and that would be unfortunate.

 

[jghelton]

I'd gtfo OP, unless you have some sort of obligation to be there. Unlike the job market, there are plenty of girls to choose from with less of a background. Also why do you trust this girl so much so soon? If the guy still had stuff in the house they must've broken up recently. I wouldn't trust someone like that so quickly with any firearms.

??? really , did you read the story , maybe the guy beat on her all the time did you think of that ? and maybe just maybe they really care for each other ( the op and the girl ) only one judge bro and it aint you lol

 

[blamecharles]

[QUOTE Also any dynamic entry into my dwelling is meet with force necessary to stop it.

Blame: You have a lot of this in your time??[/QUOTE]

None yet but if I ever do have someone perform one it will be stopped by any means necessary.

 

[patience0830]

??? really , did you read the story , maybe the guy beat on her all the time did you think of that ? and maybe just maybe they really care for each other ( the op and the girl ) only one judge bro and it aint you lol

Lighten up. He's 13 and knows everything. Don't worry. It won't last.

 

[Mosinguy]

Lighten up. He's 13 and knows everything. Don't worry. It won't last.

Everyone confuses me with Mosinowner! We're different people I assure you.

 

[JetGirl]

Everyone confuses me with Mosinowner! We're different people I assure you.

I thought you were about that old too...? No?