Lost Californian
Expert
Please be patient, and read it all.
After a long illness, my wife died on January 18th. Of all the things that come after your spouse dies, this one came out of the blue -
I no longer have a desire to carry a gun. Been having a firearm handy at all times for the last 20 years or so, and these days I just can't/don't put the holster on the belt when I get dressed. It is weird, from my point of view. I can say I kinda got out of the habit a few months ago, when I was the full time caregiver and not leaving the house much. But it is deeper than that. I really just have no desire to put one on when I am going out and about, short run to the store, or long day selling stuff for large cash amounts. Part of me wants to change the home defense plan, and put up some firearms. The ones mainly in place for her to use. Then I would have to redo the whole plan, because I think of those guns when I ponder the 'what ifs' regarding home invasion, and I just can't muster the brain power to do that, so they stay where they are.
Of my two carry guns, one is small and light, I don't even notice when I carry that one. The other is larger and more potent, and I do notice the weight when I carry it. Still do not want to have one on me. And I just cannot understand this at all. Is this a passing phase that will go away sometime, or is it a way to to inadvertently engineer my own demise? I can't figure it out. I just know I am in a weird, strange place right now.
Just because - This photo was taken a week before she died. That is one of our daughter's dog's pups. Sweetie got joy from being able to have them on her.
Thanks for your time.
After a long illness, my wife died on January 18th. Of all the things that come after your spouse dies, this one came out of the blue -
I no longer have a desire to carry a gun. Been having a firearm handy at all times for the last 20 years or so, and these days I just can't/don't put the holster on the belt when I get dressed. It is weird, from my point of view. I can say I kinda got out of the habit a few months ago, when I was the full time caregiver and not leaving the house much. But it is deeper than that. I really just have no desire to put one on when I am going out and about, short run to the store, or long day selling stuff for large cash amounts. Part of me wants to change the home defense plan, and put up some firearms. The ones mainly in place for her to use. Then I would have to redo the whole plan, because I think of those guns when I ponder the 'what ifs' regarding home invasion, and I just can't muster the brain power to do that, so they stay where they are.
Of my two carry guns, one is small and light, I don't even notice when I carry that one. The other is larger and more potent, and I do notice the weight when I carry it. Still do not want to have one on me. And I just cannot understand this at all. Is this a passing phase that will go away sometime, or is it a way to to inadvertently engineer my own demise? I can't figure it out. I just know I am in a weird, strange place right now.
Just because - This photo was taken a week before she died. That is one of our daughter's dog's pups. Sweetie got joy from being able to have them on her.
Thanks for your time.