Also, more reloading books are better. I have an older Lyman book, newer Lyman book, Speer & Hornady for loads, plus I check with the powder mfg for loading suggestions (in the case of Unique, you won't get a lot of useful info from Alliant).
I will say this about seating depth, you probably aren't going to have a perfect match with the bullet you are loading and the reloading manual. As you mention, a round nose bullet will be longer than the same weight flat nose bullet in general, however, the reason for loading the flat nose shorter isn't because it is shorter, but because the nose is wider. The curve of the magazine and the "leade" in front of the chamber determine how wide a bullet can be given a certain length. I find this fella explains this pretty well, though it is in reference to the 38 Super cartridge, so don't confuse the measurements presented there with the 9mm.
I have never had a problem just starting in the middle of the powder charge span. If I have sierra hollow point bullets and I find data for speer hollow point bullets of the same weight, a middle of the span charge will not get you in trouble. 124 and 125 grains are really the same. Manufacturing tolerances will vary that much.