Question for single parents with full custody

[TB1999]

Im in the process of separating from my wife. One of the things that has taken me so long to move forward is that I'm not really sure how to be a single dad with full custody and work full time. For those who are in this position, how do you balance family life and work life? Specifically, if one has to work until 6 o clock every day, what do you do with the kids after school? My son is in 1st grade so its not like he can just come home and stay by himself until i arrive. Also, what about during the summer when he isn't in class? He would require supervision all day long but that's not really possible while I work full time.

Thanks

 

[MCgrease08]

You most will most likely need to find a nanny or someone who can watch him between the time he leaves school and you get home from work. Either a daycare or someone who will come to your home.

Having family that can do it would be nice, but if you need to pay someone then you do what you need to do.

 

[churchmouse]

You most will most likely need to find a nanny or someone who can watch him between the time he leaves school and you get home from work. Either a daycare or someone who will come to your home.

Having family that can do it would be nice, but if you need to pay someone then you do what you need to do.

This. Just no other way around it.

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

 

[SEIndSAM]

Is there a YMCA nearby. The one we have local offers after school and summer programs.

 

[mom45]

As noted above for after school. During the summer, there may be programs run by day care, the Y or other community organizations (possibly even through the school) that would work. Most have programs for school age children that work with most parent's schedules pretty well. At one point, my job required me to get home after the day care closed...so the kids went to day care and then were picked up by someone I hired to take care of them until I got home.

 

[UTL]

I lived in a neighborhood in a smaller town. I found a lady that was on disability that would either come to my house and get the kids off the bus and stay at my house until I got home or take them to her house. She would charge we 5.00 a day and would of done it for free.

 

[squidvt]

The balance is hard to find. There goes your social life, I know it's hard but that's how it is. As for the YMCA, it's a good program for not to much money. I used it for my son. The only issue with the Before/After School care is they require you to get your child by 6pm. I also have had issues with their system not allowing me to pay and getting a call saying I have to come and get him because of their screw up. Kindercare is more expensive but it worked well for me. Care.com gave me a number of good references for after school care. Summer camps I would recommend something that you can afford.

Sorry your having to go though this. It's hard on the kids.

 

[sljccj]

Is there some reason why his mother can not assist? Is she unfit? More importantly is she just going to give you custody? From the wording it sounds like the process has just begun.
If she is going to fight for custody it can be a tough battle to get a child away from the mother.
The best thing you can do is try to keep a civilized relationship with your ex. Your son loves you both and if you two can be civilized and work together where your son is concerned he will adjust better.
Kids are the ones who get the short end of the stick in divorce. Sorry you and your family are going through this.

 

[TB1999]

This. Just no other way around it.

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

It's a good thing. Very long time coming.

 

[TB1999]

Is there some reason why his mother can not assist? Is she unfit? More importantly is she just going to give you custody? From the wording it sounds like the process has just begun.
If she is going to fight for custody it can be a tough battle to get a child away from the mother.
The best thing you can do is try to keep a civilized relationship with your ex. Your son loves you both and if you two can be civilized and work together where your son is concerned he will adjust better.
Kids are the ones who get the short end of the stick in divorce. Sorry you and your family are going through this.

She has been fully disabled for about 6 years due to multiple sclerosis. She can assist but requires home health aids to care for herself. She has no basis to challenge custody.

 

[Haven]

Summer camps are a great way for kids to do lots of different things. We did a sports camp for a few years for our child. He got a chance to play a bunch of different games. There are other camps out there though to match your child's interest.

 

[Gary119]

Talk with the school. Many have before/after school care. They also know organizations, people that can help. If they require you to pick your child up before 6:00 and you can't get there by then maybe one of the other parents would be able to pick up your child also (probably without charge) Also consider getting involved in 4H or the YMCA, the more people you get to know, the more people you will find that can/will help you.

 

[halfmileharry]

I've been doing this since my son was about 4 months old. He's going on 17 now.
I worked for GM at the time with a good job with regular hours.
Just be on notice that any day care won't let your child stay at school with a temperature over 100.
Many jobs get pretty upset when you have to miss days at work to take care of your children.
I had Day Care for my son but then the "bugs, colds, flu" stuff showed up.
I missed too much work for my boss's liking and was given the choice of "Dad or Gm Employee". Of course it was "dad".
I ended up starting my own business and did pretty decent.
At this time I took a nasty little apt for an office to work out of across the street from my dad's assisted living home to help with him too. I had a full plate to say the least.
I came awfully close to having a "nervous breakdown" due to the stress. I or should say We survived all the aspects of the new world.
Oh, btw... I take my hat off to all you single girls that raised kids on your own. My life was financially stable when my son was young and it still made me count the pennies and keep as tight a budget as one can imagine. I don't know how some of you gals (and guys) did it.
You'll find a way to raise your child on your own.
The old expression is "If you wait on having kids until you can afford them... you'll never have kids". Your child doesn't care about all the details except for the love and security part of his/her life. That's really all you need to worry about. The rest is "doable".
Good for you getting full custody if that's the best thing to so.
You'll do fine.

 

[sljccj]

She has been fully disabled for about 6 years due to multiple sclerosis. She can assist but requires home health aids to care for herself. She has no basis to challenge custody.

I see.

 

[Timjoebillybob]

She has been fully disabled for about 6 years due to multiple sclerosis. She can assist but requires home health aids to care for herself. She has no basis to challenge custody.

Have you talked to/hired an attorney? From my experience to get sole custody the other parent doesn't need to challenge custody, you are required to prove they are unfit. While it has gotten better for dads, IMO most courts still give preference to the mom. I had physical custody with joint custody with my sons mom, she took me to court to get physical custody. The first two court dates she wasn't there because she was in jail, the judge just continued it, the third time he finally dismissed it. I had arrest reports for her for a variety of charges, leaving the scene of an accident, driving on a suspended license, check fraud, etc. I was able to keep physical custody, but the judge still left it as joint custody but she only had supervised visitation.

 

[churchmouse]

Have you talked to/hired an attorney? From my experience to get sole custody the other parent doesn't need to challenge custody, you are required to prove they are unfit. While it has gotten better for dads, IMO most courts still give preference to the mom. I had physical custody with joint custody with my sons mom, she took me to court to get physical custody. The first two court dates she wasn't there because she was in jail, the judge just continued it, the third time he finally dismissed it. I had arrest reports for her for a variety of charges, leaving the scene of an accident, driving on a suspended license, check fraud, etc. I was able to keep physical custody, but the judge still left it as joint custody but she only had supervised visitation.

It is so hard to get sole custody. If the man was to do any of the things you list he would be hard pressed to get visitation. The scales are tipped towards Estrogen.

 

[halfmileharry]

It is so hard to get sole custody. If the man was to do any of the things you list he would be hard pressed to get visitation. The scales are tipped towards Estrogen.

It's just a matter of tipping the scales in your favor.
IF you own the scales you can make the measure you want.
I highly recommend the best atty you can get in that area of expertise.
The best atty is where justice is balanced and tilted in your favor.

 

[churchmouse]

It's just a matter of tipping the scales in your favor.
IF you own the scales you can make the measure you want.
I highly recommend the best atty you can get in that area of expertise.
The best atty is where justice is balanced and tilted in your favor.

The best justice money can buy.

 

[TB1999]

It is so hard to get sole custody. If the man was to do any of the things you list he would be hard pressed to get visitation. The scales are tipped towards Estrogen.

I don't want sole custody...I want him to have the best relationship with his mom as he can. The problem is I can't trust her to provide adequate care for him due to disability.

That being said, legal representation is a priority.

 

[churchmouse]

I don't want sole custody...I want him to have the best relationship with his mom as he can. The problem is I can't trust her to provide adequate care for him due to disability.

That being said, legal representation is a priority.

No knock on your situation. It has to be rough on all involved.
I was referring to my own struggles with the system over my 3 boys. Apology's.