Reading list for parenting advice, advice

[hoosierdoc]

I've been struggling in the relationship with my oldest son for a while now. I have recently had the revelation that unless I change something, nothing will change. So I bought a book "Better Dads, Stronger Sons: How Fathers can guide boys to become men of character".

Anyone have a book they found helpful in improving their parenting?

 

[hoosierdoc]

Edit: first chapter I found this. Reminds me of a recent thread

Apparently you can't copy text from kindle, so here's a link to the quote



http://a.co/1d8DF6i

the other day I was scrolling through Facebook and someone had posted a funeral bulletin with a guy's smiling face. It struck me that this will be me some day, and what will be left of me
but my impact on others.

 

[bwframe]

Age?

 

[hoosierdoc]

Age?

He's 8. Other is 6

 

[KittySlayer]

I got nuthin, but to give you something to look forward to:

 

[mom45]

1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. There is more than one book depending on the age of the children, but it is a great series. I think I have the set somewhere from when my kids were younger. If I can find it, I'd be glad to send it to you if you are interested (assuming I can find them). A quick google search will give you some info on the books.

 

[bwframe]

I cannot help on reading materials.

All I can add is that children thrive on discipline. It's troubling for them, especially in today's age, to have to waver on right and wrong. My advise is to parent with firm control. Make sure it is understood that parents are the boss and arbiters of all decisions.

If they go to public school, you will continually have to be correcting the social issues they bring home. Maybe the same with some private schools?

You have five years to establish a solid base. As stated above, once they hit the teens there is no going back and making up for lack of discipline.

It sounds cold, but good parenting is firm parenting. No backtalk. No running to the other parent. No getting away with anything. A solid understanding that rules exist for all aspects of life and failure to follow will result in punishment.

 

[MikeBrennan]

I've been struggling in the relationship with my oldest son for a while now. I have recently had the revelation that unless I change something, nothing will change. So I bought a book "Better Dads, Stronger Sons: How Fathers can guide boys to become men of character".


Anyone have a book they found helpful in improving their parenting?

Yeah, I've found one...not much of a quick fix though.


There was something in it about loving God with all my heart and loving my neighbor as thyself.


You love your son?


Be honest with him.

 

[Cameramonkey]

Not sure I have any advice, but I can commiserate. We are also having some issues with our 10 & 7. I'm on the road, but we had an emergency family meeting tonite via FaceTime long after bedtime because momma was fed up with shenanigans.

I know something needs to change in the monkey household. Based on that meeting, they already have a shorter leash because they don't comprehend how blessed they are.

Just know you aren't alone.

 

[MikeBrennan]

I've got a news flash for you doc....

Raising children doesn't come with an instruction book...much like practicing medicine .

Ready to fly?

 

[Buchhaas]

I personally wouldn't recommend reading a book to help because in my opinion they try to change who you are. I would just be more open with him and let him know the whats, wheres, and whys. Punish him and explain why and give an impromptu experience on why he shouldn't act/do what he was. They may not appreciate it now but when they get to be adults themselves they will look back and respect how you made them stronger.

 

[alabasterjar]

I'll echo what cameramonkey said, you're not alone.

We have 8 & 10 year old boys, 3 & 5 year old girls. The 10 y/o is on the autism spectrum with specialties in opposition/defiance disorder and adhd. 10 years ago, I would have told someone in my situation "yeah, right, that's a made up diagnosis to excuse poor parenting" or something to that extent. He accounts for at least 70% of our parenting effort. When he is having a bad day, everyone is having a bad day - and it is tough to like him. I love him, but it is tough to like him.

Proverbs and in an odd way, Ecclesiastes (video bible study series by Tommy Nelson is fantastic), have probably been the most helpful to me.

 

[churchmouse]

I cannot help on reading materials.

All I can add is that children thrive on discipline. It's troubling for them, especially in today's age, to have to waver on right and wrong. My advise is to parent with firm control. Make sure it is understood that parents are the boss and arbiters of all decisions.

If they go to public school, you will continually have to be correcting the social issues they bring home. Maybe the same with some private schools?

You have five years to establish a solid base. As stated above, once they hit the teens there is no going back and making up for lack of discipline.

It sounds cold, but good parenting is firm parenting. No backtalk. No running to the other parent. No getting away with anything. A solid understanding that rules exist for all aspects of life and failure to follow will result in punishment.

My kids were sent to Private school. We had to continually fight the bad habits of their friends.

 

[adws943]

As said above, kids do not come with an instruction manual.
IMHO, both parents need to be on the same page. Our children are constantly being programmed by outside influences.
I agree kids need rules and discipline. The fear of getting caught has gotten me out of more than one bad situation.
They also need love. He may not like being told in front of his friends "Love you son" but he will like hearing it.
I knew my father loved me but it took him 50 years to say it with ease. I will not make that mistake. I will tell my son daily that I love him.
Good Luck Doc. Your heart will tell you how to proceed.

 

[Bapak2ja]

I needed some help when my kids arrived. I found a lot of wisdom in Dare to Discipline by James Dobson. The text provided useful guidelines on where to draw the lines, and in achieving the necessary balance between discipline and love. Children need discipline and clearly-defined boundaries. They also need to know that they are loved. They need guidance, nurture, rebuke, and forgiveness. Dobson's text helped me find a reasonable balance. I also provided a moral foundation for the kids based on the Bible.

The kids grew to be adults that made us, and continue to make us (my wife and I), proud parents—construction engineer and USMC captain. Good men. Good husbands. Dobson's writings were very helpful.

 

[ws6guy]

I'll echo what cameramonkey said, you're not alone.

We have 8 & 10 year old boys, 3 & 5 year old girls. The 10 y/o is on the autism spectrum with specialties in opposition/defiance disorder and adhd. 10 years ago, I would have told someone in my situation "yeah, right, that's a made up diagnosis to excuse poor parenting" or something to that extent. He accounts for at least 70% of our parenting effort. When he is having a bad day, everyone is having a bad day - and it is tough to like him. I love him, but it is tough to like him.

Proverbs and in an odd way, Ecclesiastes (video bible study series by Tommy Nelson is fantastic), have probably been the most helpful to me.

I feel your pain! Shortly after birth we knew something was off with my now 6 year old son. We have struggled and still struggle with eating issues and behavior issues. We have tried all kinds of eating therapies, only one of them made any progress and then insurance ran out and we couldn't afford to keep going. Finally this past summer the behavior got bad enough we took him, and still take him to a psychiatrist. I hated to do it but we now have him on a couple of medications. We were constantly yelling at him cause he would refuse to listen and then would have violent outburst where I would have to pin him to the floor for 15-30 minutes. The medications help but he still has his bad days and you're exactly right when he has a bad day everyone has a bad day. I too often assumed poor parenting was the root of the problem with kids like him but after going through this for 6 years I will never judge another parent when I see their kids acting out. It could be the parenting but it could be other issues, you never know their struggle unless you have walked in their shoes.

With my son even if there was a book he'd figure out how to do something different. Over the years we have tried so many punishment and reward systems and nothing works long term. The psychiatrist did a lot of testing and all of the intelligence tests put him in the 99th percentile so honestly I think out smarts us on some of the things we have tried. I don't expect him to ever be perfect but as long as we can mold him to good respectful human being it will be a win. It's just a much larger task than I could have ever imagined.

 

[TB1999]

I personally wouldn't recommend reading a book to help because in my opinion they try to change who you are. I would just be more open with him and let him know the whats, wheres, and whys. Punish him and explain why and give an impromptu experience on why he shouldn't act/do what he was. They may not appreciate it now but when they get to be adults themselves they will look back and respect how you made them stronger.

I think his whole point is that something needs to change.

 

[HoughMade]

I've got no book to suggest.

What I do suggest is time. My time at home is, largely, spent working on projects and my boys have always worked right alongside me. I'm sure my 11 year-old didn't really have a ball vacuuming the sanding dust from my drywall repairs last night, but he was with me. As my older son (almost 20) got to his later teen-aged years, he spent less time with me and more on his own stuff, but when he comes home to visit, he wants to spend time with me...because that's what he has always done.

There is no replacement for time with the kids. None. I personally think that working alongside someone, even with few words spoken, is better for a relationship than sitting face to face trying to force a conversation. My Dad is not an affectionate man and not one to talk about feelings and such, but we spent many hours of my youth together getting things done, which, to tell the truth may have gotten done faster without my help at times. Now, me at 45 and him at 82, he is the man I love and admire more than any other.

 

[Roland of Gilead]

I've got no book to suggest.

What I do suggest is time. My time at home is, largely, spent working on projects and my boys have always worked right alongside me. I'm sure my 11 year-old didn't really have a ball vacuuming the sanding dust from my drywall repairs last night, but he was with me. As my older son (almost 20) got to his later teen-aged years, he spent less time with me and more on his own stuff, but when he comes home to visit, he wants to spend time with me...because that's what he has always done.

There is no replacement for time with the kids. None. I personally think that working alongside someone, even with few words spoken, is better for a relationship than sitting face to face trying to force a conversation. My Dad is not an affectionate man and not one to talk about feelings and such, but we spent many hours of my youth together getting things done, which, to tell the truth may have gotten done faster without my help at times. Now, me at 45 and him at 82, he is the man I love and admire more than any other.

I'm glad you posted on this topic, I have always found your posts on parenting wise and helpful. Last night I was putting child resistant locks on the cabinet under the kitchen sink. My 10 month old daughter sitting on the floor with me, reminded me of helping my Dad when I was young. You are right, those times are meaningful.

 

[bwframe]

Ditto!

A lot of INGOers have posted stories of their solid child rearing over the years. I remember when Bapak2ja's son went into the Marines.