Spousal support (or not) of concealed carry

[nsheepdog]

When my wife and I got married nearly 7 years ago, I was uninterested in guns. I was immature at the time. However, I have evolved in to a self-proclaimed right-wing nut-job. I want to carry a gun regularly. My wife has a problem with how I've changed and she is not supportive of my wish to carry a pistol.
How have you all dealt with similar situations? I told my wife tonight that I probably cannot articulate my feelings good enough to change her mind. I also told her she isn't "wrong" for not wanting me to carry. But, I feel like each time when I go out, I am hoping NOT to hit the unlucky lottery of being at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong ass hole.
My wife and I are at a stalemate. What may complicate things is, I feel compelled to just carry anyway, regardless of what she thinks because I don't see either of us changing our minds, but she may begrudgingly accept it when/if I do carry. What would you do?

I saw this pole online and I thought I'd introduce something similar here.
Spousal Support for Concealed Carry - Page 4 - Ruger Forum
In my case I do not have spousal support and I voted in the poll accordingly.

 

[nsheepdog]

If you vote, I would appreciate it if you also provide suggestions on what to do in my case where spousal support is just not there.

 

[ryknoll3]

I guess that once you've explained your side and your feelings, only you know how your wife would react to you just going ahead and carrying. I would say just do it, as long as it isn't going to cause some major harm to your marriage.

 

[nsheepdog]

That's what I'm thinking. She's not happy about the thought of it, but I've carried a few times lately and I've done it in a way to sort of let her know I was carrying, like opening and closing the safe loudly, so she could hear. She mentioned that she knew what I was doing and I told her she only knew because I wanted her to know without telling her. She may hold a grudge, but I don't think there's a snowball chance in hell she'll divorce me for carrying. So, I'm pretty much going to carry more and more, knowing she'll just be aggravated. One potential problem is I want to buy a new pistol just for CC purposes. My current pistol is a HiPower clone (FEG), not the most comfortable or concealable.

 

[loony1]

Mine does not carry, but prefers I do.

 

[norman428]

Does she have a reasoning for not being supportive? Is she completely against guns, and think all they do is kill people? Or is she just against you carrying a gun?
My now ex girlfriend went from being completely against guns, just like her parents, To going to gun shows, shooting with me sometimes, and Considering buying a Pink Glock. It just takes time and education. I don't know her knowledge on firearms, but once I explained how they work, and that guns don't kill people, other people do, she started to understand.
I also may or may not have thrown myself into sticky situations when she was around, and she went from "Why do you need that" to "Im glad you carry"
but that was my approach, and I almost got my unarmed A** kicked a couple of times, so I don't recommend it.
And no, I don't do that now that I carry, It was more of a prove a point type thing.

 

[mmills50]

I'm somewhere in between My Spouse (significant other) does not currently carry but supports the fact that I do and intends to get their permit eventually and My Spouse (significant other) does not carry but supports the fact that I do. She says she is interested in getting a permit and a gun. But when we go to the range she likes to just shoot. Not aim and shoot. Just shoot

 

[mmills50]

nsheepdog- I'm torn between taking your man card or letting you keep it in hopes that you will someday change your wifes opinion. By man card I mean that little pink piece of paper you keep in your wallet (hopefully)

 

[norman428]

I'm somewhere in between My Spouse (significant other) does not currently carry but supports the fact that I do and intends to get their permit eventually and My Spouse (significant other) does not carry but supports the fact that I do. She says she is interested in getting a permit and a gun. But when we go to the range she likes to just shoot. Not aim and shoot. Just shoot

Lol. Sounds Familiar.
I'm all for women and firearms, but at the same time, kinda terrified. SOME, not all ladies, SOME of them are jumpy and over react in certain situations. So i personally would never encourage one to get a permit. Because the day she uses it wrong, its "You told me to carry, You told me to get a permit".
I'm the bad guy. I just know it would happen.

 

[mmills50]

Yea right now she is armed with pepper spray and a 6-3 252 lbs guy for protection lol

 

[mmills50]

Plus its always our fault. I could be in bumf*** Egypt and something happen here and I get blamed

 

[Armed-N-Ready]

Don't poke the bear.

IMHO, opening/closing the safe to make sure she knows you are carrying is asking for a fight. Pick up a CCW you are comfortable with that conceals well and quietly carry. I see no need to announce to anyone (even my wife that has her LTCH) that I am armed. If you quietly carry concealed for a while she may even forget or ignore that you are carrying. My wife doesn't know when I am carrying or not and the topic is never discussed.

 

[Cemetery-man]

Only time my wife will know that I am CCing is if I have to use it. Otherwise she'd never leave the house with me.

 

[kickbacked]

she probably doesn't like the idea of you carrying because she is worried that people might freak out. If i were you i would just deep conceal so that you dont have to fight with her ,yet your still carrying so if the time ever comes where you need it youll have it.

 

[Bapak2ja]

My wife was opposed to the whole shooting thing when I started. I had the advantage of two sons who were already carrying, and I could argue that I wanted to be able to learn to shoot by going to the range with them. She gradually accepted shooting as a hobby, even the "it's a guy thing" line of thought.

I had to work into the next levels gradually. Getting the LTCH, buying my first semi-auto (G26), attending a good training program, starting to carry on a regular basis, buying the second weapon (Taurus 709), then buying a 10/22, and recently a Marlin 1894C. At each step, I had to convince her this was not me turning into some wild-eyed fanatic looking for trouble, but a simple step up in security, training or sport—or some combination of the three. The resistance has grown significantly as the cost has increased. She is now very concerned with the cost of training. My once a month visit to the range costs $12 for range time (I think I have found a cheaper alternative for the summer), $40-50 for ammo (cheap 9mm at first, then the .22. The Marlin really pushed the limit. It will be a long time before I purchase my last planned acquisition, a .22 pistol for cheap practice.)

At each point I explained the reasons for the acquisition, my intent in taking this action, and avoided promising that this would be my last acquisition. I consistently explained that I wanted two semi-autos for CC (summer and winter variety), a rifle to learn to shoot (10/22), then a rifle that was fun and could do some damage if I decided to hunt or if SHTF, and finally a .22 handgun for cheaper practice. She agreed with everything, grudgingly, until I bought the Marlin. I advised her I was going to make the purchase when I found a good buy. She was not happy, but she accepted my decision. She knows and accepts that I will purchase a .22 handgun at some point, and that I have stated I will not need any more firearms after the .22.

My suggestions. Do not hide anything from you wife. Explain what you want to do, why you want to do it, and outline the plan in advance. Give her some budget guidelines. Be patient and do not argue about it. Just quietly explain your points. I also highly recommend limiting your other expenses. The only other thing I do is scuba dive a couple times a year on trips that she and I take together. I do not use alcohol or tobacco, and we have fully funded our IRAs and pension for many years. The bills are paid and the mortgage is serviced, paid ahead actually. Finally, keep your promises to her—about the marriage and the firearms. I have never been unfaithful or given her reason to suspect I have been. With all the positives I bring to the marriage, she is willing to accept the firearms. Be a good idea to insist you go to church together, too. It will demonstrate to her you are sincere about being a good man. At the very least, you will gain some brownie points.

A good wife is a far more important than a new firearm. You made promises to her when you you said "I do." Don't let anything prevent you from keeping your promises to her.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

If you vote, I would appreciate it if you also provide suggestions on what to do in my case where spousal support is just not there.

My wife used to be kind of "anti-gun". Not hard core, but more like scared of them. Over time she'd see my brother and I have fun shooting in stuff and she would hang around with us. We'd offer to let her shoot whatever we'd be shooting and she overcame her fear-- over time. Now if the boys and I are out in the backyard shooting cans or whatever she'll often join in. Ive had my carry permit for about 5-6years. A year or two ago, when it came due, I talked her into getting hers too. Now we both have lifetime permits. A couple of she went with me to a basic self defense/shooting class the Bedford police department puts on from time to time. She's not carrying yet, but I thinks she's considering it.

 

[ArmedProgrammer]

A good wife is a far more important than a new firearm. You made promises to her when you you said "I do." Don't let anything prevent you from keeping your promises to her.

^^^^this^^^^

 

[oneshotonekill]

I just had a similar discussion about guns last night. I went to dinner with my wife, her aunt, and her cousin (all women and me). They asked me what I had been up to lately and I told them about the INGO shoot we just had on Sunday and how much fun we had.

Her aunt (who is intelligent and can have a reasonable conversation) said she didn't like guns. I asked her why and she said she had just never been around them. I offered to take her and play any time she wanted. While her sister (my mother in law) just got her lifetime carry permit. Why am I going into detail about this? My wife, knows I carry all the time, knows I shoot all the time, sees them out on my desk when I'm doing whatever with them, HAS NO DESIRE IN THE WORLD TO SHOOT!!!

But doesn't say a word when we go out because I think deep down she knows I'm doing it to protect her too if the situation ever arose.

Don't push the issue with your wife, ask to take her out to shoot, and be discrete about carry.

 

[mms]

start doing it, and she will get used to it imo,

for me it wasn't my fiance, it was my parents specifically my father that hated it. and at the time 18 i was still living in his house so i had to keep my gun in the car.

now many years later he has basically come to terms with and just expects me to have one at all times and never says anything one way or the other about it.

my fiance on the other hand has her ltch but rarely carries because she doesn't think he needs to because i always do.... my battle is trying to get her to carry all the time as well.

 

[femurphy77]

My girlfriend is supportive, especially after a bad divorce with a violent ex. She has her own carry weapon but having seen the inside of her purse I understand why she doesn't want to carry it. There. I'm working on getting her to wear an IWB holster of some type. Baby steps!!