What would you do if you had a fourteen year old son who........

[Que]

It's important to let your son know that you are on his side and ask him how he wants to take care of it. Of course he will say he doesn't know, so provide him with a few examples from him talking to them all the way up to hitting someone upside the head with a 2x4. I say this so you will be able to gauge his emotional state and frame of mind.

Walk him through the ramifications of each choice, understanding that talking just may be impossible to resolve the matter. You must be realistic. You must also understand the law and not tell him to do something that gets him in a legal jam. The post that suggests you talk to the school and document your discussions are great. As a last resort, but just may be as necessary, talk to the parents of the bullies.

Your son just may have to learn know to deal with this now, because child bullies usually become adult bullies.

 

[abnk]

I had to think back on what my friends and I were doing at 14 years old. A 14-year-old boy should be able to take care of himself. I agree with those who said you need to man him up. However, he also needs to know that you will always back him up, even if the school reprimands him.

 

[Benny]

What?!? I think 14 is a little young to consider anyone confirmed in his/her sexuality.

Every gay person I know says they knew they were gay long before 14...Like 7 years old and earlier.

You didn't know you were straight when you were in Jr. high school? I sure as hell did.

 

[Jake46184]

Assuming that what you have described is the extent of it, I'd do nothing. The "anti bullying" crowd that the media has created for their own agenda are among the most annoying of any nut group today. "Bullying", as they like to call it, is perfectly normal and absolutely NECESSARY for the proper development of any kid. The nutjobs who want to legislate harmony amongst kids are pefect examples of what has gone wrong in this country.

Let your kid figure it out. Kids have been doing so for countless thousands of years. Your son is having an invaluable learning experience. Stay out of the way. If you've done your job as a parent correctly for the last 14 years, you shouldn't need to get involved.

 

[VaGriller]

Assuming that what you have described is the extent of it, I'd do nothing. The "anti bullying" crowd that the media has created for their own agenda are among the most annoying of any nut group today. "Bullying", as they like to call it, is perfectly normal and absolutely NECESSARY for the proper development of any kid. The nutjobs who want to legislate harmony amongst kids are pefect examples of what has gone wrong in this country.

Let your kid figure it out. Kids have been doing so for countless thousands of years. Your son is having an invaluable learning experience. Stay out of the way. If you've done your job as a parent correctly for the last 14 years, you shouldn't need to get involved.

I believe we are "talking" to the kid being bullied, if so, he's obviously having issues with it if he brought it here.

I still stand by my earlier statement. Take the main bully out and you won't be regarded as a wounded lamb anymore.

 

[Caleb]

Assuming that what you have described is the extent of it, I'd do nothing. The "anti bullying" crowd that the media has created for their own agenda are among the most annoying of any nut group today. "Bullying", as they like to call it, is perfectly normal and absolutely NECESSARY for the proper development of any kid. The nutjobs who want to legislate harmony amongst kids are pefect examples of what has gone wrong in this country.

Let your kid figure it out. Kids have been doing so for countless thousands of years. Your son is having an invaluable learning experience. Stay out of the way. If you've done your job as a parent correctly for the last 14 years, you shouldn't need to get involved.

Do whaaa...? I disagree...

 

[hammer24]

Assuming that what you have described is the extent of it, I'd do nothing. The "anti bullying" crowd that the media has created for their own agenda are among the most annoying of any nut group today. "Bullying", as they like to call it, is perfectly normal and absolutely NECESSARY for the proper development of any kid. The nutjobs who want to legislate harmony amongst kids are pefect examples of what has gone wrong in this country.

Let your kid figure it out. Kids have been doing so for countless thousands of years. Your son is having an invaluable learning experience. Stay out of the way. If you've done your job as a parent correctly for the last 14 years, you shouldn't need to get involved.

This sounds like what the parents of the bully would say. "O'Doyle RULES!!!"

 

[Bunnykid68]

Depending on how bad it is, hire a bigger bully to **** with them.

 

[Bunnykid68]

Assuming that what you have described is the extent of it, I'd do nothing. The "anti bullying" crowd that the media has created for their own agenda are among the most annoying of any nut group today. "Bullying", as they like to call it, is perfectly normal and absolutely NECESSARY for the proper development of any kid. The nutjobs who want to legislate harmony amongst kids are pefect examples of what has gone wrong in this country.

Let your kid figure it out. Kids have been doing so for countless thousands of years. Your son is having an invaluable learning experience. Stay out of the way. If you've done your job as a parent correctly for the last 14 years, you shouldn't need to get involved.

Really? I got a lot to say about that statement.......

 

[Benny]

Depending on how bad it is, hire a bigger bully to **** with them.

I was for hire in high school.

I did it for free when I saw it though.

 

[Expat]

Every gay person I know says they knew they were gay long before 14...Like 7 years old and earlier.

You didn't know you were straight when you were in Jr. high school? I sure as hell did.

I remember falling in love in about 4th or 5th grade.

 

[infidel15]

I believe we are "talking" to the kid being bullied, if so, he's obviously having issues with it if he brought it here.

I still stand by my earlier statement. Take the main bully out and you won't be regarded as a wounded lamb anymore.

your right. they have picked on me all three years of middle school and we have talked to the school and they haven't done anything. i think it might be time to hit one of em upside the head with an math book. but it is a group of boys that have played ball together since they where 7 yrs. old.They have each others backs.at least 3 of em are in each of my classes. what do i do?

 

[techres]

Infidel,

1. Get their actions on file. Speak to your parents and the school. Force it onto paper so that there is a file on the incidents.
2. Give the school a chance to deal with it. If they can, then good.
3. During this time talk to your parents. Help them understand, and the school as well, that you are the active agent handling this situation and the school/parents are your tool to get it done.

That way if something more happens you have 1-3 already done and are in the best opportunity to take step #4 if you have to.

It is very tempting to take #4 first, and many here will advise you to do so, but they were not kids in this day and age and their butts aren't on the line like yours is. You go straight to retaliation and the rules will not be favorable to you in any way.

Do your due diligence first.
Do not go to the adults as a victim, but as a lawful member of society giving them a chance to deal with this lawfully.
Do get this all on file. On paper. Written down.
Do let them have their chance to fix this, to punish the bullies and to get them off your back.
Do get your self in the best position for all possible futures.

But whatever you do, don't just pick a fight right now - the wise warrior shapes the battlefield long before any fight in order to secure both victory and a minimum level of losses.

 

[paddling_man]

^^^ Sun Tzu couldn't have said it any better. ^^^

 

[IndyDave1776]

your right. they have picked on me all three years of middle school and we have talked to the school and they haven't done anything. i think it might be time to hit one of em upside the head with an math book. but it is a group of boys that have played ball together since they where 7 yrs. old.They have each others backs.at least 3 of em are in each of my classes. what do i do?

How many friends do you have at school? A bully generally relies more on intimidation than on actual substance--something I wish I had learned at your age. My guess is that you are not the only person they pick on. They gang up--do likewise. It may have reached the point that the school's little athletic darlings need a good adjustment, and you may have to risk some push-back to get it done, but find the right situation to knock the hell out of them. Even if you get a 'vacation' out of the deal, the nonsense will stop.

Techres is right. As we were typing simultaneously, I understood you to mean that you have already done these things.

 

[VaGriller]

your right. they have picked on me all three years of middle school and we have talked to the school and they haven't done anything. i think it might be time to hit one of em upside the head with an math book. but it is a group of boys that have played ball together since they where 7 yrs. old.They have each others backs.at least 3 of em are in each of my classes. what do i do?

Not upside the head, dead smack in the face with the thickiest book you can swing easily. His friends aren't going to do anything to you when they see their friends face leaking. Don't start it though, wait till the next time they do it and swiftly proceed to beating.

If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.-Niccolo Machiavelli

You will get suspended for doing so, but the bullying will end.

 

[Benny]

You will get suspended for doing so, but the bullying will end.

Color me skeptical.

I could see it getting worse.

I like that quote by Machiavelli, but a bloody nose doesn't apply.

 

[IndyDave1776]

Color me skeptical.

I could see it getting worse.

I like that quote by Machiavelli, but a bloody nose doesn't apply.

I ended up having to send someone down the stairway wrong-side-up once. Never had any more problems out of him, problem being that he wasn't actually one of the worst.

 

[VaGriller]

Color me skeptical.

I could see it getting worse.

I like that quote by Machiavelli, but a bloody nose doesn't apply.

To a middle schooler a busted nose is like the end of the world. Pretty embarassing having to walk around with 2 black eyes for a week or two.

Bullies pick on people that won't fight back, once he fights back they will move on. IMHO

 

[techres]

To be clear, today is not yesterday.

Yesterday they made boys shake hands and promise to stop it.

Today the cuff 10 year olds and haul them off to juvy because they do not have the guts to approve, even wink-wink-nudge-nudge, that sometimes violence is ok.

No papertrail?
Kid with bloody nose?
Kid holding bloody book will be in more than just "a day off" kinda trouble.

Set your battlefield.
Be sure the grownups had their chance.
Make sure there is paperwork.
Guaranty you will be labelled the victim.

Only then do you want to draw any kind of blood, because only then will you have a chance at any level of sympathy from the adults.