Heck, maybe she's enthusiastic for your interest, and just wants to show it in a way that's maybe not comfortable to you. Or, she hates it and is trying to embarrass you in front of people. Or something else. It's obviously an issue some way or other, and you're going to be best off working it out together, trying to figure out what's up with her, getting her to understand where your head's at. No accusations, no recriminations, make it about understanding and comfort. And be willing to give a little. If she really thinks you have too much and resents it, you may have a decision to make, or at least a sales pitch. Been there enough to know what I'm talking about, unfortunately not there now.
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Heated discussion with the significant other about guns
- Thread starter billyboyr6
- Start date
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Very similar for me sometime ago. She was scared of guns and wanted people to tell me how dangerous thet were. After some time, and "polite" requests to Zip it, she eventually let her guard down enough to become more educated on guns. Hate to tell you, it was a couple years in process. Up side, yesterday she was looking for starter gun for our son. Long road, but worth the wait.
I agree with Mr. Wrench....I also agree with you, OP. (I'm female, for the record.) I don't take it as you trying to hide your collection, but personally knowing 3 people who have had their firearms stolen, I completely get the desire for this to be need to know information. As firearms enthusiasts, you and I realize that confidentiality is also part of safety. Try to express that to her somehow....
It seems common sense that a gun owner would NOT be a target, but reality seems to be the show the exact opposite. Gun owners cannot be home 100% of the time. Usually someone cannot be on guard to get to/watch the guns ALL of the time. Thus the need for discretion.
Perhaps your family won't rob you...but even (sadly) that is not a guarantee.
Try to broach the issue again with compromise in mind and with a non-judgmental attitude and without sounding like you're criticizing. Think through your real message before you bring it up to her and don't be aggravated or on edge when you are ready to talk!
Good luck!
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This... seriously...
This was my first thought when I read your OP. It's not JUST the gun issue, it's the "where the gun issue fits in with the relationship" issue. I got the same thing with golf clubs, guns (and my wife loves to shoot), tools in my woodshop, etc. They constantly need reminded that they are the light of your life and nothing can take their place.
Get to the root cause and deal with it rather than the symptom. I also think that if you work through that, you won't be so offended when she brings it up in front of friends/family because her tone will change about how she brings it up.
But I'm no Dr. Phil, just my
OP: I agree with you in that I don't want just anyone knowing what I have or that I carry. I have been robbed and lost damn near every gun I owned. Believe me, you never get over losing guns. Also, by the way you have described your interaction, there is something else going on too. Just a guess (I'm married too) your wife thinks you love your guns more than her. I would try explaining your position to her again after you caress her and make sure she knows how much you love and appreciate her.
Depending on where he lives, he might not want it to be spread around that he has valuable guns inside his home where his wife and children live.
Maybe his wife knows somebody that knows somebody that would be better off not knowing about his collection. It is his personal property and if he doesn't wanting people knowing about it, she doesn't need to be telling the world.
It doesn't sound like he's ashamed of being a gun owner, sounds like he's trying to protect what is his and not wanting to spread it around to everyone.
In no way is he trying to keep his "legal birthright" a secret. He is just choosing to use discretion as to who knows what about what. Try using a little discretion yourself next time.
Bingo! You're a freakin' Sigmund Frood, Indy! My thoughts exactly. Maybe she's really ticked about the amount of money being spent on guns. Does she spend much on her hobbies? Does OP try to limit what she spends while he does whatever he pleases? Remember, Sigmund once said, "Sometimes a gun is just a gun." (Or was that a cigar?)
LionWeight
Sharpshooter
No you are not wrong, or paranoid ..... just need to help her understand, that the more people know, then more people will know ... and owning such "things" CAN make YOU and YOURS, a TARGET ..... just sit and talk calmly, and let her know, that "YOUR COLLECTION", is a "wanted" item on the "streets", and YOU want her and the kids to be "safe" .....
Yep...what he said
billyboyr6
Expert
Thanks for all the comments. Most are helpful. Lol.
She is the type to save every $ and the bigger her savings is the happier she is. Thats the way she was raised. Me, I bust my a$$ to make it just to spend it. Anybody that knows me knows that. My family's needs come first, bill's second, and whatever is left is mine. I have no intentions of saving anything, I'd rather invest it in other ways such as
guns. She doesnt care what I do with my money so that's not an issue.
I honestly think that she thought it was ok to tell everyone and I cought her off gaurd when I spoke up and said otherwise. So it was probably mostly my fault. But don't tell I said that.
She is the type to save every $ and the bigger her savings is the happier she is. Thats the way she was raised. Me, I bust my a$$ to make it just to spend it. Anybody that knows me knows that. My family's needs come first, bill's second, and whatever is left is mine. I have no intentions of saving anything, I'd rather invest it in other ways such as
guns. She doesnt care what I do with my money so that's not an issue.
I honestly think that she thought it was ok to tell everyone and I cought her off gaurd when I spoke up and said otherwise. So it was probably mostly my fault. But don't tell I said that.
superjoe76
Master
My wife likes pointing out to me when she is carrying. She never talks loud about guns in public or in front of family! I truly am blessed with an awesome woman!
Anyway, would your wife advertise what is in her purse in public? No!
Then I guess there is no need to bring up what you have in your house! Just talk with her and always keep your cool!
Anyway, would your wife advertise what is in her purse in public? No!
Then I guess there is no need to bring up what you have in your house! Just talk with her and always keep your cool!
No you are not wrong, or paranoid ..... just need to help her understand, that the more people know, then more people will know ... and owning such "things" CAN make YOU and YOURS, a TARGET ..... just sit and talk calmly, and let her know, that "YOUR COLLECTION", is a "wanted" item on the "streets", and YOU want her and the kids to be "safe" .....
This. SSGSAD said it pretty well.
I would also limit the amount you spend on acquiring new pieces for awhile. Once you have a couple good carry pieces (summer and winter), a basic shotgun, and a hunting rifle, cool it for awhile. My wife is not into firearms, but she finally understood I was serious about self/home defense, and has become supportive. She recognized the importance of EDC and home defense weapons. She accepted that I needed the carry weapons, basic weapons for learning to hunt, and a couple .22s (pistol and rifle) for practice. She gets very unhappy, though, if I start talking about adding to my collection. Can't say I blame her for her concern. In the last two years I have spent $2,000 on acquiring weapons. Additional cash went out for training, ammo, cleaning supplies, storage/transport facilities, range fees, etc. If your wife spent $3,000 in a year on a new hobby (calligraphy, jewelry design, Mary Kay, Avon, etc.) you would be concerned.
Tomorrow my wife and I celebrate 39yrs of marriage.
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When I started to collect firearms it was a slow process. I let my wife into this hobby slowly and with many discussions along the path. It is second nature to her now. She is aware who knows and who doesn't. She understands why and is OK with the fact that we have them in the house. She is also aware we may become the focal point if there is a catastrophe
or SHTF situation. This was entered into by both of us with education and understanding. It takes everyone in the house to follow you in this.
If there are firearms in the house, every member of the household should understand them.
Sit down with her and make a list of all the people you know that are;
Addicts (especially medical professionals, not just street trash)
Convicted criminals
Criminals
Abusers
Cheaters
Tax Cheats AKA CPA's
Attorneys
Now ask yourself, do any of those people know people who are garbage? The garbage will come and steal your guns and of course your friends will be the ones who tell them you own guns, when, where and for how long you will be on vacation and of course where you live.
Are you married yet or just SO's?
If you need specific stories, I am sure we can provide them for you.
Would she post on facebook lists, pictures and locations of expensive diamonds? She may be naive about guns, their value and uses. Explain Fast and Furious to her as well.
bigg cheese
Expert
What little I do buy, I try to make it at least fair, if not tipping toward the wife. She does more than I can. She's been staying up all night watching our sick daughter for the last three nights, so I can sleep for work. Seriously though, "needs, bills, me" isn't a stay-married strategy. I'm no shining knight, but I always try to get my wife things she wants.
Google: Agape Love
Google: Agape Love
It sounds to me like your wife is a 'spite shopper'....i have one of those as well, and it makes buying a new gun twice as expensive. She always wants to know how much the gun costs, and therefore she gets to spend that much on whatever she wants. Sometimes this comes in handy when roles are reversed as well...let her go out and buy some purses, and then you get to spend that much towards whatever you like. This method recently got me a new safe!
This is the most true thing to be said in this thread so far.
This is the best post in the thread!! Years ago an older LEO told me its good policy to not let people know you have firearms. The way he said it was that the guy you tell won't be a problem, but he will tell somebody else who will be the one that breaks in your home when you're gone and steals them
Glad that I shared the sport with my wife. Made sure she had what she liked and wanted before I picked up the AR-15. Always nice to come home from the Indy 1500 and say, "Hey Honey, look what I got you.", before coming in with the big case containing my new rifle.
