Should I be mad or am I over reacting?

[copo]

be very mad at the douche that did that to your vehicle, as for your friend it's time to stop visiting unless there are cameras outside to catch the douche next time

 

[BehindBlueI's]

I’m p*ssed at the POS that vandalized my van but I am also p*ssed at my friend. I feel my friend is partly to blame for not ignoring the POS to begin with.

Let me state that I had no prior issue with the POS that did this. Although I open carry, he would often make obscene gestures at me or mouth obscenities to me but for the most part I ignored him.

My friend doesn’t think I have any reason to be mad. My friend chose to argue with me right after this happened about what my insurance coverage was and what the best tires are. WTF…….. When I try to vent or just throw out scenarios that would make me happy I get lectures & BS from my friend.

Three things that stood out. What did your friend do to not ignore him? Call the police on him? Argue with him? Minister to him? Leave dead cats on his lawn? What? More importantly, what's the conflict between what he did and what you thought he should do?

Next, that sounds like prior issues. Someone mouthing obscenities at my wife would be treated as an issue. "For the most part I ignored him" isn't the same as "I ignored him". What was the part where you didn't ignore him? Did that contribute in anyway?

The final one is a gender difference. From the way this is written, I assume the friend is a man. Men are fixers, not listeners. Unless we've been "trained" we don't think the same as woman and don't view venting as venting, we view it as a problem to be solved. You just want someone to listen and sympathize when you say "Julie at work is a gossiping ogre and she steals people's sandwiches from the refrigerator. No one likes her." What you want is "Wow, sorry you have to deal with Julie." What a man hears is a problem and his answer is going to be on how to stop her from stealing sandwiches. In this case its also a control issue. He can't control what happened to your van, but he still needs to be able to show his concern for the situation, plus show he has some control. Hence his desire/arguing over seeing you get what he views as the best tires.

None of this means your friend isn't an a-hole who should be removed from your life. You know him better than I do. I'm just pointing out options, including that the amount of blame you are placing on your friend may not be entirely justified.

 

[chipdog4]

Woody Harrelson lives downstairs and does heroine?

"Yes it is nice.
That's a beautiful van."

"

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

The final one is a gender difference. From the way this is written, I assume the friend is a man. Men are fixers, not listeners. Unless we've been "trained" we don't think the same as woman and don't view venting as venting, we view it as a problem to be solved. You just want someone to listen and sympathize when you say "Julie at work is a gossiping ogre and she steals people's sandwiches from the refrigerator. No one likes her." What you want is "Wow, sorry you have to deal with Julie." What a man hears is a problem and his answer is going to be on how to stop her from stealing sandwiches. In this case its also a control issue. He can't control what happened to your van, but he still needs to be able to show his concern for the situation, plus show he has some control. Hence his desire/arguing over seeing you get what he views as the best tires.

I whole-heartedly agree with this. My wife hates it when I try to offer solutions to things she's venting about. I learned a long time ago that we're both happier if I pretend to listen and she just gets it off of her chest.

 

[printcraft]

Karma? Here's to hoping POS addict gets a hot load.

 

[Rookie]

I'm confused. Why are you mad at your friend? Did your friend see it happen? Did your friend do it?

 

[HoughMade]

It would be a shame to end a friendship over something someone else did. Seems pretty immature, to be honest.

 

[gungirl65]

I wouldn't pin the blame on my friend for this, he had no control over the loser who did it. Yes, he may have provoked the guy but at the same time consider he has to live near this person. If I had a neighbor like that I'd let them know what I think of them, too. As far as the vandalism I'd definitely be PO'd about that beyond belief.

I have to admit that karma wouldn't take care of the heroin addict if that were my van. A Louisville slugger to his kneecaps would, however, and he wouldn't know it was me. If you can't catch him, surely he has a car he'd hate to see vandalized. As far as your friend goes, he should let you vent although keep in mind it's not him you should be angry with. And as far as the dog, it's a beagle. Rekindle the bond with that dog!

You're right but I'm old school. I still believe in chivalry. I still believe that a man should protect a woman. I shouldn't have to be the bad a*s in a fight I wasn't a party to. I am a petite female, I shouldn't have to deal with this crap or worry about what this creep might do to me or my van. The addict has a history of domestic violence against the ladies. Of course that would be a different fight entirely. Touch me or my dog and get a free meal of lead. Buy one get one free.

My beagle loves me beyond belief. Which is the whole reason I still have him 2 + years after what was supposed to be a 2 day foster. I am looking for friends who are as dedicated and loving as he is. My earlier comment was meant that the beagle likes my friend more than I like him.

My beagle is in protective custody of sorts. Short version of story, I'm in the middle of an ugly divorce. (Apparently I am a poor judge of character ) I have to give the house to the future X for half of the week until the divorce is final. My beagle likes to dig and occasionally chew fence slats, FX has made it clear if the beagle gets out he won't chase after him. I love the dog too much to risk anything happening to him. He needs supervision when he is outside doing his business if me or my son aren't there. I work noon to close at the vet clinic and can't take him with me on the days I have to vacate the house. So he has to go somewhere to be supervised. This is where my friend enters the picture. Beagles can be butt heads, they need someone patient to watch after them.

I did pick up a nice 30" aluminum ball bat for the van. Just in case I need to adjust any attitudes. At my height the knees would be about where I would hit someone. Of course once they hit the ground a few swats to the head like a crochet ball would sure make me feel better.

 

[Knife Lady]

It is very normal to be upset when anyone damages your property or any personal item you own. Should you be mad at your friend?? Possibly and without more info on your relationship with this friend we truly cannot answer that fairly. I am sorry this happened to you. If it was me I would not go back to my friend's place unless he moved or the addict moved.
You have to make sure you are safe as possible. I would stay friends with him but I would also let him know I was not coming there anymore. He should understand that and even agree. He should want you to be safe as well. Vandalism is a immature act. It is a terrible way to prove any kind of a point just like starting ugly rumors or lying on someone. Sounds like you are in the middle of a dispute between your friend and his neighbor. Take yourself right out of the middle. Find someone else to watch the dog too. Nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings even if he doesn't agree with you. I also agree that a friend should always defend and help protect their friend and especially if it is a woman/man friendship. He is not responsible for anyone's actions except his own but feeling bad for you and giving you support should be at the very least something he should have done.
Good luck.

 

[gungirl65]

Why does that guy hate you so much to do that to your mini-van ??? As for your friend, your friend should stand up for you & understand that you were victimized by that addict

Not sure he does. I think it is more of a statement to my friend. My friend lives in a 4 unit apt building, the addict ran the other two tenants out. They moved out a few days before I was vandalized. The addict has made statements to my friend that he needs to move out. My friend needs to put up or shut up.

This is my feelings exactly. I did nothing, that's the whole point. I feel violated beyond words. I am a mature adult, I am way beyond acts of vandalism. At least any I would publicly admit to. I have never been in trouble with the law, I am too old to start now. I shouldn't have to stoop to his level.

I want to vent, I want to imagine and discuss fun scenarios of what I would like to have happen to the addict. It's fun to pretend. My friend won't let me. Anytime I try he lectures me for it.

 

[gungirl65]

I understand what she is saying. She needs to vent about it and be allowed to vent about it unhindered and it sounds like her friend never gave her that chance. Sometimes a friend just shuts their mouth and lets their friend ramble on for a bit.

You are such a smart bunny. This is why I have always been so fond of you. This is the whole issue in a nutshell. I just need to vent so I can feel better and move on. I don't need to be chastised for feeling victimized and that's how my friend has been towards me.

 

[gungirl65]

I whole-heartedly agree with this. My wife hates it when I try to offer solutions to things she's venting about. I learned a long time ago that we're both happier if I pretend to listen and she just gets it off of her chest.

You are a very smart man. Just act interested, offer a few uh huh's and life is grand. Let us speak and do not lecture, we will all live happily together.

 

[Bunnykid68]

I want to vent, I want to imagine and discuss fun scenarios of what I would like to have happen to the addict. It's fun to pretend. My friend won't let me. Anytime I try he lectures me for it.

Feel free to PM me anytime hun, we can talk about fun ways for people to meet their demise or other ghastly events.

 

[churchmouse]

Feel free to PM me anytime hun, we can talk about fun ways for people to meet their demise or other ghastly events.

Conference call!!!

 

[Doug]

I saw on TV where someone bought an untraceable cell phone and did stuff with it.
Like call an addict at odd times and tell them the police were on their way over and he'd better dump his stash.
They also periodically left anonymous tips about said addict on a police tip line, like "so-and-so just took a big delivery and he's having a sale on meth."
In the TV show, the police finally busted the dirt bag big time or he got fed up and moved out, I forget which.
Funny what's on the tube these days...

 

[printcraft]

Not sure he does. I think it is more of a statement to my friend. My friend lives in a 4 unit apt building, the addict ran the other two tenants out. They moved out a few days before I was vandalized. The addict has made statements to my friend that he needs to move out. My friend needs to put up or shut up. .............

Who owns the apartment building? Does the landlord know about this behavior? Does the landlord know why he is losing tenants?

 

[actaeon277]

Sounds like an INGO open carry barbeque at your friends apartment needs to happen.
Why should the friend leave cause of a dirtbag. You should start thinking of what to do to the dirtbag.
And NOT post it where police and attorneys can see it.

 

[Giddaltti]

An alternative is to file on his homeowners insurance, unless renting.

 

[Naptown]

I'd be pissed too if I woke up and had a mini van!

in all seriousness, that sucks. Sorry.

 

[gungirl65]

Who owns the apartment building? Does the landlord know about this behavior? Does the landlord know why he is losing tenants?

She knows and she doesn't care. That's what makes it even more frustrating.